tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2916875215674142452024-02-01T22:18:11.849-08:00UNABRIDGEDPherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-49314137797490259182012-11-09T16:52:00.002-08:002012-11-09T16:52:54.724-08:00My Glove-Box is Overflowing With E-tickets to Hell<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I just came back from the grocery store. When there, while no more than half-a-leg
back into the car to come home, it struck me: I had sinned.
Mortal and Venial Sins. Okay, maybe
not mortal, but close enough for me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Nevertheless, I DID break rules. Okay, maybe not legally, but my own Personal Rules
and a lot of others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Before I make my shame public, I’ll start with Laws of
Attraction: which simply say that you attract into your life whatever you think
about. Your dominant thoughts will find
a way to manifest.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I don’t know if I’ve ever given real thought to what
attracts people to one another; in fact, I don’t know if I even cared. Either you like a person or you don’t. You have either some things in common or none. You know, after a few minutes, if the person
you meet excites you with their looks, personality, or sense of humor. You know if they intrigue you with intellect, or you are just going in gut-wise and the decision is made for you. Gut-wise must be where the dominant thought
manifests…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You may be drawn to a sales clerk with a hovering demeanor
or you may be attracted to a clerk who, by and large, ignores you just long enough
to let you make your own decision then suddenly appears at the instant you
are ready to check out. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">What determines
your reluctance to answer the door to a solicitor? What makes you amenable to
listening (for half an hour) to a Jehovah’s Witness when clearly you
are of another mindset? I don’t know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I am certainly no stranger to what makes us err (as I am my
own worst critic) but, clearly, I am an absolute stranger to what makes us
divine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Back to my real story.
Arriving at the grocery store and just before entering I saw the
requisite donation solicitor. I always
make it a point to use the opposite entrance when the store entrance has a
table near it with Girl Scout Cookies (because I can’t buy Just One Box; I have
to buy Ten); Voter Registration tables, Signatures Needed for This Cause (or
that); See’s Candy Fundraisers, or simply Solicitors of Any Kind. Don’t tell me you haven’t all done this at
one time or another.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So what "attracted" me to this entrance? Was the Law of Attraction at work and beyond my control? I guess. Because here’s what happened.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">Breaking Personal Rule #1</span></b>: I
stop.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">Breaking Personal Rule #2</span></b>: I
engage.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">Breaking Personal Rule #3</span></b>: I
express interest/concern.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">Breaking Personal Rule #4</span></b>: I
ignored Mind Separating from Reality Warning Signs</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">Breaking Personal Rule #5</span></b>: I
become The Champion.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It was cold outside;
I was cold. The solicitor was shivering. I mean, really tho’, it’s <st2:state>California</st2:state>:
How cold could it actually be, for crying out loud. But I just go by me (it’s always all about
me); so I figured the guy had to be frozen down to his toes. It was a bone-chilling 64 degrees outside. You have to understand that my body is solar-powered.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The gentleman at the table had a battered, cardboard ballot-box
looking thing with old pictures in a plastic sleeve taped to it. There were some beat up “business” cards depicting homeless people scattered about the brown
folding card table that was complete with peeling plastic and duct tape. The cards promise to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, house the homeless. I was about to become the Lord's Minister for $20.00...leading me to...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">Breaking Personal Rule #6</span></b>: Blindly
refuting that this could be a scam.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">Breaking Personal Rule #7</span></b>: Ignoring that the man was here from 57 miles away. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I was convinced he needed coffee and offered to get him some
while I was in the store. Anyone who
knows me, knows these last four years have been fraught with serious financial problems, unemployment, and trying to get my business off the ground. In
fact, saying they are the WORST four years of my life would be an understatement. BUT: I
was on a mission now, mesmerized by my own <u>Self</u>-hypnosis.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I could not donate money, however, I could donate to the man
who was there on behalf of the "</span><b><i><span style="color: #073763; font-size: large;">Sweet-Baby-Jesus-Lord-Have-Mercy-Thank-You-God-Hallelujah-Church-Of-The-Reverend-Curtis-A-Haynes-Congregation</span></i></b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">". Can I get an <st2:stockticker><i>AMEN</i></st2:stockticker>?!!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">Breaking Personal Rule #8</span></b>: Relinquishing
Sanity in Favor of Salvation/Redemption</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I floated into the store, with nothing on my mind except
that cup of coffee I promised to bring out.
I got the few items I almost forgot I needed, when, suddenly, there I am in front of the deli
counter, buying hot food for the Man Doing God’s Work. I only bought what I would eat, that made
sense. Nothing fancy, just what I call
Comfort Food. Hot macaroni & cheese,
chicken tenders…yummmmm. Yet, stuff I
would NEVER buy for myself, in spite of my love of it, because buying prepared
food from the deli is…..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">Breaking Personal Rule #9</span></b>: Wasteful
because I can make it at home for a fraction of the cost.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">A Starbucks was in the store (it still is, in fact). Digging deep into my wallet for change, I
find a Starbucks card given to me probably over 4 years ago. WOOT! I never used it because it was tantamount to:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">Breaking Personal Rule #10</span></b>: Rebel
against overpriced products and frivolous spending (see Rule #9).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Yet there I was. I
got two-- one for me, one for God’s Man About Town.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’m tooling toward the store exit and feeling blissfully
good, magnanimous, blessed, philanthropic, righteous, god-like, benevolent, "saved", and
smug. And so, went about:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #073763;"><b>Breaking the First Commandment</b></span></i>: Thou shalt not have strange gods before me.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #073763; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><b>Committing</b></i></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #073763;"><b> Blasphemy</b></span></i>: Self-idolatry.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’m STILL on the path to burning in the fires of Hell but am
powerless to stop myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I greet the solicitor with food and coffee, as well as giving
him the Starbucks card with the balance remaining on it. He gratefully accepts my “donation” bows his
head and prays for me, thanking God for my generosity. He was honest; he was sincere: of this I have NO DOUBT. And will never, ever doubt.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I bid him adieu and as I have that half-a-leg in the car,
begin to wonder: in WHOSE name did I donate: God Almighty or <st2:personname><st1:givenname>Pam</st1:givenname>
<st1:sn>Almighty</st1:sn></st2:personname>?
Who did I think I was? Sitting
there - so full of shame - unable to separate what I thought was
a Good Deed from Arrogance - I wanted to puke.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">My shame boiled down to this example: You ask me what
I want or need. I tell you I just want a gasket for my blender. You buy me a whole blender. Or, I ask for wooden hangars (Because. That.
Is. What. I. Want) but you give me sexy, new lingerie: so I get something that makes <b>You</b> Feel Good. So, what I
did was the same as…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">Breaking Personal Rule #11</span></b>: Doing what “I” think is best for someone instead of doing what they want or providing them with what they really need.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Was I a victim? I’ll
never know. And, frankly, that’s the ONLY
part I don’t care about because just for a few special moments I felt like a million bucks, hence…</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Succumbing to yet more
sins: Vanity, Self-aggrandizement, and Needing
to be Adored.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In hindsight, maybe I just needed the HUMAN, real-life interaction. I like to THINK I help by sharing Lost Animal pleas on Facebook, sending condolences to parents who have just lost their child to a drunk driver, then posting links to help them pay for funeral costs, congratulating others on their new successes, praying for others who are going on job interviews, passing along beautiful pictures, funny stories, bad jokes...the list is endless. But while the gratification of posting on Facebook or Twitter gives me a wonderful feeling, it's transitory and fleeting. I guess I just needed something <i>tangible </i>at that very moment<i>. </i>A voice to hear, a hand to shake...skin-to-skin contact.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I wish I’d never gone to the store today. Any day I don’t hate myself is a Good Day and
this one turned out to be pretty crappy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">My week’s highlights include two exceptions to the good-deed-gone-bad:
Having an Egg McMuffin breakfast with my good friend, <st2:personname><st1:givenname>John</st1:givenname>
<st1:sn>Brown, and an absolutely silly trivia game "hosted" by Tim on FB. </st1:sn></st2:personname></span></div>
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<st2:personname><st1:sn><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></st1:sn></st2:personname></div>
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<st2:personname><st1:sn><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Have a nice weekend and in spite of me, <span style="color: #38761d;"><b><u>Do Good Deeds for Unselfish Reasons</u></b></span>; perhaps you can undo my mess.</span></st1:sn></st2:personname></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhOM5p3UbnlJpXRHwp-WkN-CcYXaqwO0dCBs6u8ukty3MT54xZcuVBWaAldU2-hxUg_DNEfFXfrF8YT3WsclvMr3Cs_a8hWSIsS9jqZIHP9r1mVTGimZcQuG-8t66pQ3rEKbk6-3SHVCg/s1600/pam+short.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhOM5p3UbnlJpXRHwp-WkN-CcYXaqwO0dCBs6u8ukty3MT54xZcuVBWaAldU2-hxUg_DNEfFXfrF8YT3WsclvMr3Cs_a8hWSIsS9jqZIHP9r1mVTGimZcQuG-8t66pQ3rEKbk6-3SHVCg/s1600/pam+short.jpg" /></a></div>
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Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-25180636330766187852012-11-08T14:39:00.001-08:002012-11-08T14:39:28.068-08:00The One That Got Away<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBxHZ6W9EVternfkqinMpkwIRbomrCEfwQUy8YB4qB4SRAcK-u4cVD22Aq-rdQWNNnJj3BSAJaj5xoUSiZhA6AJaOmIIHC5-eaWW_hWsAuAz1ITlpmRq8K8TJV8PVyvD8QJgc899lMFxk/s1600/over+the+fence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBxHZ6W9EVternfkqinMpkwIRbomrCEfwQUy8YB4qB4SRAcK-u4cVD22Aq-rdQWNNnJj3BSAJaj5xoUSiZhA6AJaOmIIHC5-eaWW_hWsAuAz1ITlpmRq8K8TJV8PVyvD8QJgc899lMFxk/s1600/over+the+fence.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><b><u>RIP: Earl Hindman</u></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">In August, I received a text message from a guy who wanted me to scan his dog for a microchip. After setting up the appointment, I went to his house with all my gear, not just the scanner. </span><span style="font-size: large;">"Ian" instructed me where to park and was waiting on the other side of the fence when I arrived. </span><span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;">I pull up and see just the top of Ian's head over a fence and it all sort of looked like this...without the hat. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxNQ8eRKFig5iG9ehYPbak2YU148jkhSuNO75pgTnWvd-v9PdJylCgnQ9izBXxF7_jm_A_4bPdPWzRaRauSghpgoF8LmUeF1nHrZFiSNu_MIBghKAdUxwQ-zhwKRWmxyrG9zJSQ6WYxtU/s1600/fence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxNQ8eRKFig5iG9ehYPbak2YU148jkhSuNO75pgTnWvd-v9PdJylCgnQ9izBXxF7_jm_A_4bPdPWzRaRauSghpgoF8LmUeF1nHrZFiSNu_MIBghKAdUxwQ-zhwKRWmxyrG9zJSQ6WYxtU/s200/fence.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><b><u>Ok, it was a gate with wheels</u></b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;">So the fence was really much bigger.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG9mua2yM_W8Lt4nFiQL9ur3Gcv3yZnO-aaPMG_Wraov3SMcTVZrHpAjVEMxgyLjmb9xONDyPbUjj51i35Uv_9m1AJS9yuiO19QTW6JR3NvyON8AcEGW3Y_5lzfnAnN7fD6eMAw70FygY/s1600/2012-08-30+003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG9mua2yM_W8Lt4nFiQL9ur3Gcv3yZnO-aaPMG_Wraov3SMcTVZrHpAjVEMxgyLjmb9xONDyPbUjj51i35Uv_9m1AJS9yuiO19QTW6JR3NvyON8AcEGW3Y_5lzfnAnN7fD6eMAw70FygY/s200/2012-08-30+003.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><b><u>Le Truck</u></b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;">Meanwhile, I get my grip, hop out of the truck, and forge ahead, not knowing what lay in store for me, as is usually the case. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;">Ian opens the gate and out RUSHES this Tank Girl, cleverly disguised as a Bull Terrier, which most people are wont to describe as a Pit. As she buckled my knees, my VERY first thought was of "Petey" of the Our Gang (Spanky, Alfafa, Darla, Buckwheat) Fame. My first Pit: this should be interesting. And yet the last thing I thought of was being mauled. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMbb_H_KwcJm7u5ONxzGxBvwvWqN3q_FVoc75YYgncbgemttby6iUYl7FwkXa2cdwSraBH4ogS6FDTpmmtK9KeZ6qE_yFiBg1vh0PYu_MUk7lKv3U7jspMfjfmZFJWPU6Cs3fGZAlCbhY/s1600/dot+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMbb_H_KwcJm7u5ONxzGxBvwvWqN3q_FVoc75YYgncbgemttby6iUYl7FwkXa2cdwSraBH4ogS6FDTpmmtK9KeZ6qE_yFiBg1vh0PYu_MUk7lKv3U7jspMfjfmZFJWPU6Cs3fGZAlCbhY/s200/dot+2.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><b><u>DOT THE MAGNIFICENT</u></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;">"Dot" then proceeded to completely bathe me in kisses. By the time she finished her "Welcome to Our House!" greeting, I was soaked, sopping, wringing wet. My hair, my face, my ears, my neck down to my fingertips. Geez, she was scary. Cough. Ahem. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;">She danced all over the place, whippy-tailed and loving. Ian was pretty quiet all the while then suggested we go into the backyard because after all that, I couldn't get a good read on the scanner without taking off her collar (metal tags and such interfere with an accurate read for the chip detection).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;">Dot followed all Ian's quiet, low-key instructions to be still in order for me to do a thorough scan. There was no chip detected.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGXlTeWv6aVdVsoJ0Jwr7IXeBcHR0yRYfVLfDcCoREmz_WSEpHsCFJX2qZTkO6JOnRGN94EqgF7uCNQDx1gHmsdjc_XHiJjTeovlToCJ9moEUlwKHf-PkUSPufj0IGbPsVj_ixDi0n8-8/s1600/Dot+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGXlTeWv6aVdVsoJ0Jwr7IXeBcHR0yRYfVLfDcCoREmz_WSEpHsCFJX2qZTkO6JOnRGN94EqgF7uCNQDx1gHmsdjc_XHiJjTeovlToCJ9moEUlwKHf-PkUSPufj0IGbPsVj_ixDi0n8-8/s200/Dot+1.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><b><u>As menacing as a dewdrop!</u></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I say, "Gee, she smells good", noticing for the first time that her coat is clean, soft, and silky. Ian tells me he bathed her a few days earlier. Nice, I think. Not even a hint of a flea!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Ian begins to tell me that he "adopted" Dot from the people next door who were moving and preparing to leave her at a shelter. Hmmmm, a guy just adopts a PIT BULL? What the heck? I mean, why not just let them dump the dog and go on; and why not another breed of dog? In the interim, he's petting her, cooing to her, and letting her know her WALK is in just a little while. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm liking this guy. Totally mellow, nothing over-the-top-braggadocio about him.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGFfRlQTrIvntN5mkUiV7osAD8PatIWBPqgKiv-G2TAJDUDBwN1APrd7KCea5Tsvw-Fp78yH5fTyvMqHOfX0WDk_sLJGfp1rNmHqibEa4SnbU0FLa5OWk4CJAxt_PIYGe_8vRsblNllkg/s1600/dots+bowls.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGFfRlQTrIvntN5mkUiV7osAD8PatIWBPqgKiv-G2TAJDUDBwN1APrd7KCea5Tsvw-Fp78yH5fTyvMqHOfX0WDk_sLJGfp1rNmHqibEa4SnbU0FLa5OWk4CJAxt_PIYGe_8vRsblNllkg/s200/dots+bowls.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><u>CLEAN AND SPARKLY</u></span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I asked Ian if he wanted her to have a chip and he said yes. After I "chip" Dot, we walk to an area which is sheltered, carpeted, and neat as a pin. So what's the first thing I notice: her dishes. They looked EXACTLY like the ones pictured here. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Now ALL I can think about is how dirty my own dog's dishes are. How I haven't bathed them in a while. How I didn't walk them once that week. What kind of horrible monster was I? The guilt was overwhelming.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I have to tell Ian that he should not let Dot engage in any strenuous activity at least overnight. He immediately reaches down and tells her their walk will be postponed until tomorrow. I want to crawl into my own shameful skin and die. It gets worse.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Ian tells me, conversationally, that he's "not a dog-person". WHAT???!!!!! He: rescues the dog from death, he bathes the dog, has her scanned for a microchip, he HAS her microchipped, </span><span style="font-size: large;">he walks her daily,</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">and he's NOT A DOG PERSON????!!!! This is the Twilight Zone, my friends. This is the man that got away.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Hold on: Come the first of the year, he says, he has a friend who has a WHOLE RANCH up in Northern California, where Dot will go to live and have the place all to herself. Meanwhile, she'll just hang with Ian.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Is there a moral to the story? Probably not. I could pepper you with all sorts of stuff like "Never judge a book by its cover", or, say, "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals".</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Or, finally, as a reincarnated pup says: “My purpose, my whole life, had been to love him and be with him, to make him happy. I didn’t want to cause any unhappiness now—in that way, I decided it was probably better that he wasn’t here to see this, though I missed him so much at that moment the ache of it was as bad as the strange pains in my belly.” ― W. Bruce Cameron, A Dog's Purpose.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><u><b>Ode to Ian</b></u></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Were it so that I could be</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">As kind and loving such as thee</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">To care and hold that darling pup...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">In strong, enfolding arms.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">There is no gauge b</span><span style="font-size: large;">y which to measure</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Goodness in your heart</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">You asked for nothing; bringing pleasure...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">To Dot, so stuffed with charm.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Just trust me now, for I can say</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">With absolute authori-tay - </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">God will not wait nor hesitate... </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">To b</span><span style="font-size: large;">id you "Come On In!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">"For kindness shown my creatures, </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">No matter great or small</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">You've shown me all your mettle </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">And thus, you must </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Come live with us</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">In what I call Animal Kettle!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Kettle's warm and lovely - </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Mostly all year 'round</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">We laugh and sing and bark and mew - </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">(We make other silly sounds)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">We wait for long-lost owners...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Whose pets could not be found.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">We'll leave the light on, just in case</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">You somehow get delayed</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">But know that we'll be waiting</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Cuz for you, is what we prayed".</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-65415464356742292092012-06-20T14:45:00.001-07:002012-06-20T14:45:42.308-07:00MICROCHIPPING POLLPLEASE PARTICIPATE IN THIS POLL and encourage your friends to do likewise, REGARDING PET MICROCHIPPING. IT IS COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS AND TAKES LESS THAN 60 SECONDS. IT IS NOT SPAM.<br />
<br />
If you feel more comfortable, you may also participate at http://www.mobilepetmicrochipping.com<br />
<br />
Thanks, Pam<br />
<br />
<a href="http://freeonlinesurveys.com/app/showpoll.asp?sid=drl10gss5dd7diw74808&qid=74808#.T-JEFK9V8_p.blogger">Free Online Surveys</a>Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-85002086407880341862012-05-09T17:31:00.000-07:002019-01-27T12:29:59.207-08:00UNDYING UNGULATION<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently, the following was posted in our property owner’s
association newsletter and herein also lies my subsequent response.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoNormalTable" style="mso-cellspacing: 0in; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; width: 100.0%;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="padding: 0in 0in 0in 0in;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">“People at Rancho Tujunga noticed a herd of 12+ goats
wandering and grazing along the western edge of Big T. canyon this morning.
These aren't indigenous and were just noticed for the first time today. Has
anyone in the area had animals escape or have any idea where they may have
come from?” [signed <st1:givenname>Penny</st1:givenname>]</span></b></i> </div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfedn8kegsYEL3ju5vDnrG2XoID6VAZZbCFYwQ-8CKogKZqFaeOQE90CaXOQBj7E7IhvvyoCzEFwBXPOSolociGIl50Xg6c0bC4-zzWb7mmyCuJ8hR20SX4bNEpy_LCjXnsKTwgdsybns/s1600/Big+Tujunga+Hiking+April+2+and+4+2012+042.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfedn8kegsYEL3ju5vDnrG2XoID6VAZZbCFYwQ-8CKogKZqFaeOQE90CaXOQBj7E7IhvvyoCzEFwBXPOSolociGIl50Xg6c0bC4-zzWb7mmyCuJ8hR20SX4bNEpy_LCjXnsKTwgdsybns/s320/Big+Tujunga+Hiking+April+2+and+4+2012+042.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red;"><b>Charlie, frolicking</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear Penny,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Three weeks ago I had taken my GSD up to Big Tujunga to
hike, as we often do. No biggie. We usually hike for about 1.5
hours and then go home. On this particular day, I decided to go northeast
instead of southwest. We traversed unknown paths, espied ducks, herons,
lizards, snakes, and the usual flora.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Up to this point, <st1:givenname>Charlie</st1:givenname>,
the GSD, had NEVER seen a duck, let alone a heron. When she first espied
the ducks, she lost her mind and rushed to overtake them in the stream.
As they SHOT straight up into the sky, <st1:givenname>Charlie</st1:givenname>
whipped her head around at me as if to say, "WTH was that????"
After she splashed in the rivulet for a while, looking for a scent to make
certain they weren't apparitions, she lost interest and recommenced her
exploration of the new direction in which we were going.</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqoUq5vFweuoX8Hw5rHSjz3VRHifl832_SA31NPeVl50tPVf0p4ECSOJHds9_sjOfTeSm6XUACNgpGf-CWGSvgAW3sf0FV5Oah_snF4_olyaghkeevbIKqXPPJQVLbRpNjdG6MuNzEJds/s1600/DUCKS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqoUq5vFweuoX8Hw5rHSjz3VRHifl832_SA31NPeVl50tPVf0p4ECSOJHds9_sjOfTeSm6XUACNgpGf-CWGSvgAW3sf0FV5Oah_snF4_olyaghkeevbIKqXPPJQVLbRpNjdG6MuNzEJds/s200/DUCKS.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red;"><b>What ARE those?</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later, we came upon a grand white heron on spindly red legs,
straddling rocks mid-stream on our way northward. Once <st1:givenname>Charlie</st1:givenname>
caught sight of this THING, she again, bounded forward, determined to not let
this new-found monster elude her. Alas, once again, it flew up, up, and
away. <st1:givenname>Charlie</st1:givenname> was aghast!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dejectedly, she followed me as we continued on our way,
picking through the bramble and crossing bubbling streams.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKNxGByH0xeyRLpbJEuRi7MAQWhj1C1-gmBmg1iINY9-qtwFhewvQ35Tz-h08CLiXj2NLAs6aB2yD0iVFv1vebvvAhc2Oe_18RDbgk7749KMV1k7yLl5SddWGjYtzdQokbGmynce6jQRs/s1600/WHITE+HERON.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKNxGByH0xeyRLpbJEuRi7MAQWhj1C1-gmBmg1iINY9-qtwFhewvQ35Tz-h08CLiXj2NLAs6aB2yD0iVFv1vebvvAhc2Oe_18RDbgk7749KMV1k7yLl5SddWGjYtzdQokbGmynce6jQRs/s200/WHITE+HERON.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red;"><b>The THING</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We wound our way through odd terrain until a very loud and
completely out-of-context sound struck our ears. A loud and insistent <em>bleating</em>
came from an area up and to our right. The pleas were repetitive and, it
seemed, fraught with sorrow. I was determined to discover what this
was. Oh, SURE, I thought it was some kind of ungulate, but was it wild
and free, or, worse, in trouble? I would rescue it!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I continued in the direction of the sound, rather bravely, I
thought. And naturally, I thought <st1:givenname>Charlie</st1:givenname>
was at my heels.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr8MD55szikz_fFmpWIZ9mQRiRAqXwNJZD9uUJWGivVPc1ykdy6-EYAs2Hc3m1SB6LsVKYAVZwB5VUlTwi2PAr0QCNUkD1fhPadLFFq6rJZIk6Oyd_2UOsJCPXcHY7k5GToRtMWMEtz_I/s1600/jpark.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr8MD55szikz_fFmpWIZ9mQRiRAqXwNJZD9uUJWGivVPc1ykdy6-EYAs2Hc3m1SB6LsVKYAVZwB5VUlTwi2PAr0QCNUkD1fhPadLFFq6rJZIk6Oyd_2UOsJCPXcHY7k5GToRtMWMEtz_I/s1600/jpark.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: red;">Uh-uh. No Way.</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once I came upon "it", I was flabbergasted.
It was, indeed, a 200+ pound goat. Roped and chained to trees. You
can only <em>imagine</em> my shock. My head <span style="color: #cc0000;">WHIPPED</span> around because I had
seen <st2:place><st2:placename><strong>Jurassic</strong></st2:placename><strong>
</strong><st2:placetype><strong>Park</strong></st2:placetype></st2:place><strong>
</strong>and <u>knew</u> what chained bait looked like and, furthermore, I did
<b>NOT </b>want to be between The Bait and Whatever was going to Eat It! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Suddenly, I realize my brave protector, <st1:givenname>Charlie</st1:givenname>,
the Fierce, the Magnificent, is standing a good 15 yards back from where I
was. Her eyes wide, her ears erect, her legs braced for a quick
escape. Her very posture just screamed: "You can look if you
want, but I want room to move, and move fast, if need be!". Under <b>NO
</b>circumstances would she approach; not after the disappearing ducks and the
heron-in-a-hurry incidents.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-jIipYc76hV9bQk1XvzzdYzbGnsqo7UszAkHScjb9E4-HhVSCq39at7oGfwCGWCfAeZlrgj8ZpzJUIb1PNabUi1g4d6rGfVwGjrP2j8EtwjD8vVVPkOdAoQWtiqEw7KR_r3-Rc_crTYg/s1600/Big+Tujunga+Hiking+April+2+and+4+2012+087.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-jIipYc76hV9bQk1XvzzdYzbGnsqo7UszAkHScjb9E4-HhVSCq39at7oGfwCGWCfAeZlrgj8ZpzJUIb1PNabUi1g4d6rGfVwGjrP2j8EtwjD8vVVPkOdAoQWtiqEw7KR_r3-Rc_crTYg/s320/Big+Tujunga+Hiking+April+2+and+4+2012+087.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: red;">Bill the Randy</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Knowing I could never unleash the beast, I scrambled to give
it whatever flora I thought it would want. After some time of cooing and
petting and scratching the big guy, I started back in the direction of
Charlie-the-Trembling and made haste to go home and call the ASPCA, the
Department of Animal Control and every other group in the universe to help this
poor baby.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We eventually made it back to the truck after about 2.5
hours. Once home, my phone calls began. Long story short: ASPCA
turned me over to DAC who agreed to send an agent up there to meet me and we
would then discover what abuse was being done! HAH!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I met the agent and had to take her on yet another 1.5 hour
excursion into the "wilds". Once we neared the area, we were
confronted by a man, a trifle spooky, I might add, who hollered over at us,
"Hey, you're on Private Property!!!! My companion identified herself
as an officer and had to let loose that I was the one who reported an animal in
trouble. (Sheesh, so much for my anonymity!).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3S8Q6rYvE3-5WehJpqiTLnNqMynG-tpW_Ji3cALNbJM0qGxzu-Y1PZ_1WDilMa1W1p-DxkCAhj5QmUkytVn3LbtUsQliuj-iz5XM9DCZgEYrfxKrrqLMdtTiV9Ha2ghEvg00zVejFOOI/s1600/goats+fighting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3S8Q6rYvE3-5WehJpqiTLnNqMynG-tpW_Ji3cALNbJM0qGxzu-Y1PZ_1WDilMa1W1p-DxkCAhj5QmUkytVn3LbtUsQliuj-iz5XM9DCZgEYrfxKrrqLMdtTiV9Ha2ghEvg00zVejFOOI/s1600/goats+fighting.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: red;">Hmmm, has Michael Vic seen this?</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The officer told him she wanted to see the goat for
herself. That goat's name, the man told us, is "<st1:givenname>Bill</st1:givenname>".
After much sprinkling of small talk about the area, official concerns, and
conversational breastmilk, we were told that "Bill" was tied off
because (1) he's very, very, randy, (2) his quarters were being rebuilt and he
had to remain outside, (3) he is very territorial about his females (those 14+
privately owned goats about whom you are concerned), and (4) he "gets into
it" with the owner's only other male goat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhElQ4FpNEkHxJNFueKT160ys17a4aESG5c-Xi-6K67zzu8pbd1_fBuKJ-s3YPjcp2yLLXrQCitK-YnCSR1XinGF8ocjpyUsKj3CMgaSgJwfvSVIs9oBV9RSvnciTNQRUB-kfMeHAXRLpY/s1600/no+trespassing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhElQ4FpNEkHxJNFueKT160ys17a4aESG5c-Xi-6K67zzu8pbd1_fBuKJ-s3YPjcp2yLLXrQCitK-YnCSR1XinGF8ocjpyUsKj3CMgaSgJwfvSVIs9oBV9RSvnciTNQRUB-kfMeHAXRLpY/s1600/no+trespassing.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: red;">Would have been helpful!</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This land upon which we stood is privately owned, not
fenced, there were no "<span style="color: red;">No Trespassing</span>" signs to be seen. The property has
been in the family since the late 1800's. The owner is trying to
establish some kind of preserve for the public to someday view. It's not
in the forseeable future as money is an issue.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Did I ever get home that day? Yes. But from
start to finish, it was a five hour day thanks to my obsession for animal
safety. Clearly, I need another passion a little less strenuous.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK-w2CnRPQvQPXgg-WFuTIVfdCV1pTCcwZHF4XMoEPrs-PA7GjTT0aR_NbKzjMJXYprsQz9kXAj6P3CWHyjlFpMH-kgViu6Z0OBosmcDoQUwZ-8HytFENOuvkIwEWRpVjToPQRsvSrMzA/s1600/deliverance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK-w2CnRPQvQPXgg-WFuTIVfdCV1pTCcwZHF4XMoEPrs-PA7GjTT0aR_NbKzjMJXYprsQz9kXAj6P3CWHyjlFpMH-kgViu6Z0OBosmcDoQUwZ-8HytFENOuvkIwEWRpVjToPQRsvSrMzA/s200/deliverance.jpg" width="161" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: red;">Makes my heinie pinch!</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I would recommend that you hike southwest. But then,
again, there are always weird and quirky things to be found in that direction,
as well. I came upon many encampments in THAT direction constructed of blue tarp, cardboard
boxes, makeshift tents, laundry baskets by the streams, fragments of human
life, and other such detritus, as you near the area just past, but parallel to,
the nursery. When it's very, very quiet, your mind can start traveling to
places you wish it wouldn't, such as "<b><u>Deliverance</u></b>". </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the day that I discovered the Tent Cities, <st1:givenname>Charlie</st1:givenname>
disappeared. She's back but....that was another <st2:stockticker>FIVE</st2:stockticker>
HOUR excursion into the canyon.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And a story for another day!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Happy trails!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxeo2_PfOOr1euLB7baFb0GgT2KiX2MgTS2JBAwNwW1d0RjLGO-e9h2tSrclTfq1q6x7y708I-AIlUuB7HhHfsPV64R5eHcawDvmy4mjPBbzCIFJtMsg97ATUZ3PPYzqkspp_F3C8w9oU/s1600/PAM+SHOrt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxeo2_PfOOr1euLB7baFb0GgT2KiX2MgTS2JBAwNwW1d0RjLGO-e9h2tSrclTfq1q6x7y708I-AIlUuB7HhHfsPV64R5eHcawDvmy4mjPBbzCIFJtMsg97ATUZ3PPYzqkspp_F3C8w9oU/s1600/PAM+SHOrt.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<st1:givenname>Pam</st1:givenname> <st1:middlename>Fernicola</st1:middlename></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<st2:personname>
<st1:sn>Mobile</st1:sn></st2:personname> Pet Microchipping </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
June is Pet Microchipping Month!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please visit us at: <a href="http://www.chippit.org/">www.chippit.org</a><br />
<br />
<b>A Microchip is a Necessity NOT an Accessory™</b><br />
<br />
Please visit our site and feel free to "Like" and "Share"
it!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-24887599385870764462011-01-12T19:32:00.000-08:002011-01-12T19:32:11.188-08:00CONFESSIONS OF A GREASE JUNKIE<div style="text-align: left;"></div><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbMhfW2sGlkgSnbSl2T2cWaVGz9LUIkFxXjHe6C2_o6fSWKhyZRrRL_VErvCXXsclDrw-1E8PMw4vx8LLEDdlDjdsoL29Q5xUn5PGSacR0fqqyNDRpLhUjvB4Iu8jNVPIf7ouJ_BiRLGo/s1600/HARLAN.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbMhfW2sGlkgSnbSl2T2cWaVGz9LUIkFxXjHe6C2_o6fSWKhyZRrRL_VErvCXXsclDrw-1E8PMw4vx8LLEDdlDjdsoL29Q5xUn5PGSacR0fqqyNDRpLhUjvB4Iu8jNVPIf7ouJ_BiRLGo/s320/HARLAN.jpg" width="266" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;">EVIL</span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Dang you, Colonel Sanders</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">You bearded, fat ol’ stinker</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I got the crave, and you know where,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Completely. Hook, line, sinker.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">You took that dirty barnyard bird</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Transformed him, yes, you did</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">It’s juicy, greasy, man oh man</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">My butt’s now gauged in <u>grids</u>.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></o:p></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQaAeasQOqD7Sgu-Jx0-UD-teIuK7gY6alHrQHKIFW_14aaWda5gD6ZIx5S-U9_Q1n29UWzTFbAmOxfhz_WugLvl7lHy4eaxwHoDslsf_InQfOcMOTDHmP47u3O8hAMySNTJLzvyRisI8/s1600/fat+ass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQaAeasQOqD7Sgu-Jx0-UD-teIuK7gY6alHrQHKIFW_14aaWda5gD6ZIx5S-U9_Q1n29UWzTFbAmOxfhz_WugLvl7lHy4eaxwHoDslsf_InQfOcMOTDHmP47u3O8hAMySNTJLzvyRisI8/s320/fat+ass.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;">I may have overdone it</span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
<o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkHmfUPgiqLwkIovrI710drN0TVV_CWT0RWB9JjrC18twdDE0pDcPlzUYvp9QV2ZebpJBIvvX6l8eVgy0qyqdwOeUBWbWByZRsQD6EB2E0xF5XvzVc9sd-Y6N4xqBySxmUu34RXHs4kZQ/s1600/biscuit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkHmfUPgiqLwkIovrI710drN0TVV_CWT0RWB9JjrC18twdDE0pDcPlzUYvp9QV2ZebpJBIvvX6l8eVgy0qyqdwOeUBWbWByZRsQD6EB2E0xF5XvzVc9sd-Y6N4xqBySxmUu34RXHs4kZQ/s200/biscuit.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;"><u><b>Sigh</b></u></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">As if the chicken weren’t enough</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">You baked a little dough</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Into a fluffy biscuit</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Now, I cry, “Mo! Mo! Mo!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p><br />
<o:p></o:p></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSwWn2P1fUFWfwO3uV9jyHerl1fns8ON0XIo0HZvw5mdwTVvPrIogv22BZFlPrzfWTmifuee4pIL7YdNbywPmJf8cwdQQoWmRsHLtwQMSr73iNXgAHXSVHPv-bq2h28aDmt35fd8PowmY/s1600/sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSwWn2P1fUFWfwO3uV9jyHerl1fns8ON0XIo0HZvw5mdwTVvPrIogv22BZFlPrzfWTmifuee4pIL7YdNbywPmJf8cwdQQoWmRsHLtwQMSr73iNXgAHXSVHPv-bq2h28aDmt35fd8PowmY/s200/sign.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;">The Lure</span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Oh, lay it on me, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><st1:givenname>Harlan</st1:givenname></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Give me breasts and thighs</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Just driving past the signage</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><st1:sn>Wells</st1:sn> tears up in my eyes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p><br />
<o:p></o:p></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNIcOfNiG92qRiGw_0dV06_OXOlvV-4-BCWga8Pz5pVrCxbXYY8wsF3Xyu6R9PP6pBuo3uM8361iiZy7_DVmlYWL3eUxRwfd_7yt8S49rrN8zpeaL0Utno4unnf0i57A0Axi0LIdUmQFQ/s1600/TATERS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNIcOfNiG92qRiGw_0dV06_OXOlvV-4-BCWga8Pz5pVrCxbXYY8wsF3Xyu6R9PP6pBuo3uM8361iiZy7_DVmlYWL3eUxRwfd_7yt8S49rrN8zpeaL0Utno4unnf0i57A0Axi0LIdUmQFQ/s1600/TATERS.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;">Pass the graaaaaaaaaaaavy!</span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Drape me in that cole slaw</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">No one can duplicate</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Gimme me taters, gimme gravy</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Hurry! I cain’t wait!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIVrac1yBB1m9mQgtegX6BfsAwnSJ9R_g70WzWf3CdRcBfNRTPpRyB2fdfq6FNfpfNIESpMWWEOdHuXOPOo43xhECb4DfLYggLbSmUYWR7UdFm0NspoMFra82p1zqehQbtdfGibRTxOr8/s1600/eggs+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIVrac1yBB1m9mQgtegX6BfsAwnSJ9R_g70WzWf3CdRcBfNRTPpRyB2fdfq6FNfpfNIESpMWWEOdHuXOPOo43xhECb4DfLYggLbSmUYWR7UdFm0NspoMFra82p1zqehQbtdfGibRTxOr8/s320/eggs+2.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Oh, Colonel, sometimes late at night</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I muse upon those legs, </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Tender, hot and succulent</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Which came first? Them or the eggs?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Were I one of your chickens</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I’d beg, cajole; say please,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">For you to fry me up, real good,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Laid out for all to see.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2XL-hIoaGTioijaK5kfnlJbnj4nTt2AcNReODVpq87mfdnPQfwBSiWqfndQXBZnV0UZfhGNtk_-197UURS7aYggNfPqL17M_HYLFKdKXzxPAhjFn_4qjC_hzH5xbedIQ-D5xq8NONjFw/s1600/ate+like+a+horse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2XL-hIoaGTioijaK5kfnlJbnj4nTt2AcNReODVpq87mfdnPQfwBSiWqfndQXBZnV0UZfhGNtk_-197UURS7aYggNfPqL17M_HYLFKdKXzxPAhjFn_4qjC_hzH5xbedIQ-D5xq8NONjFw/s200/ate+like+a+horse.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;"><u><b>It's true: I eat like a horse</b></u></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Me crispy or me regular</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Me spicy, or me not</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Matters not a whit to me</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I just don’t give a snot.</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgfoBecvjbRg2BMucqfK50whJ08L88PjE40ueSUfch0ngt1kxVP87PyjIAZ2_-_GaVENlzvCL74nAPwXOghuW_8_0VJ56eh-hkuyP_OchjTOj9NDcOdNy89l2rbruxUEeAtriEstqB1I/s1600/foghorn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgfoBecvjbRg2BMucqfK50whJ08L88PjE40ueSUfch0ngt1kxVP87PyjIAZ2_-_GaVENlzvCL74nAPwXOghuW_8_0VJ56eh-hkuyP_OchjTOj9NDcOdNy89l2rbruxUEeAtriEstqB1I/s320/foghorn.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0gjNRpr8ao&feature=related">Click here for a treat</a></span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQevcaJhiTZHmjhRy__yjeh-XHXOZVIJpGFUC-mdgPyJ9a-B0o5BeP4WZo3tl77vzFoYtOuU_BgGX86JQCSwSxudj7LDKK_9tOVh4VwfASzCT-cqTibynWF5H_Pw84jM3RlayO3BqsRUQ/s1600/heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I’m willing, ready, able</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">To do most anything</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Cuz just one sniff of KFC</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Makes my heart simply sing.</span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-4371741138011130002011-01-10T22:42:00.000-08:002023-11-13T10:48:49.748-08:00BURY MY HEART AT WOUNDED KNEE BUT PUT MY BODY IN THIS BOX<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLq_xfb1v_8RQDKN5SfCu3D1VLxcOdbGg7P3YPyc5MVh1e2a0eZHSsuJnGRH3KlzhTYwPym2gys_CY_h5ekUCUZlCYDpDlYkgowMh4j6Nbhv7UZT6C_qubVqygEyrT06tFM7RZXkZyaMI/s1600/pedestal+sees.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLq_xfb1v_8RQDKN5SfCu3D1VLxcOdbGg7P3YPyc5MVh1e2a0eZHSsuJnGRH3KlzhTYwPym2gys_CY_h5ekUCUZlCYDpDlYkgowMh4j6Nbhv7UZT6C_qubVqygEyrT06tFM7RZXkZyaMI/s320/pedestal+sees.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04; font-size: small;"><u><b>No pedestal is tall enough</b></u></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;"></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;"></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">Gimme some </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><a href="http://www.sees.com/Cat.cfm/Top_Rated">SEE'S</a> </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">and</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">I will just betcha</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">You sure made a friend for life.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">Gimme some </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">See's </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">and</span></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">I'm willing to letcha</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">Come over and borrow my bike.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1duN4hDiPHjAE04deWlcmpDQhaXMLsMWFGoY6PeLvxTaBbtNbxuj9N2-EgpdzXBkcne5QrSdKMlmC2w-3-XxWdQ4saDXiCiirnPRbCEh-LA3MrtigRoKVUh-cSFXeuQmP5BAEBlxXLLE/s320/SEES+STORE.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">1921<br />
Charles Alexander See opened<br />
his first candy shop...<br />
135 N. Western Ave.<br />
Los Angeles, CA</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">Just </span><b style="color: #b45f06;">GIMME SOME </b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">SEE'S</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">! or</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">I'll follow you home</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">And probably beat down your door.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXt78B710MM7aije-Z7EPy51fUHebVraamvyOjMzvhyjDZzVq_qDBkejLS8r6R3D5Vk0rGjgQo-Wp_SxbooHFrYIWeMfAWsKVi8f52Xc-0DwI5dV7kl9df9devKhHBYZ-ykJsDE8g2yC4/s1600/GOOD+SEES.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXt78B710MM7aije-Z7EPy51fUHebVraamvyOjMzvhyjDZzVq_qDBkejLS8r6R3D5Vk0rGjgQo-Wp_SxbooHFrYIWeMfAWsKVi8f52Xc-0DwI5dV7kl9df9devKhHBYZ-ykJsDE8g2yC4/s320/GOOD+SEES.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04; font-size: small;">Scratch n' Sniff</span></u></b></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><b>GIVE ME THAT BOX</b> or</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">I can't guarantee</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">That I’ll not make a mess on the floor.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjykL2zomZ2Nok3NNH37oWBtO7j1B3IlRXiIfDdin0Epl-XuQ4xVxGFQJUbHY9pSkxb7NFDteRSo8uv6b6hkWvDTDIXry_ciRYTuXkzUA0mWjJgdcU8HOd04BgeqosFwrHorxAz0tHOoFs/s1600/CHOCOLATE+TRUFF.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6nHPgpXcs17eNajMR6s8v2kyhDX8s293A0o69BiTmDiS7yaKx-uPxIrr8oYNMGCCO5hQSQmuYmPtl5l5b6dpSFkwg5qjswas3_ZWq9zZeXB8-HGJJykv487L5x066pmNxn7BAb2pMpgM/s1600/SEES+2+.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCUFp3JfVng0FYhGzstZLI4-SSUk5dSj1Y9DtSIRTWPTxH93f4SmIn8SH0hI5o-Q9T74LGAlAGOlLkU13gUqsWZ-2uhrIjgXQkWWqBem_yNZ46UBpEajA2SsiTehEMpAqMIwJjNnGCbps/s1600/3+GOOD.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCUFp3JfVng0FYhGzstZLI4-SSUk5dSj1Y9DtSIRTWPTxH93f4SmIn8SH0hI5o-Q9T74LGAlAGOlLkU13gUqsWZ-2uhrIjgXQkWWqBem_yNZ46UBpEajA2SsiTehEMpAqMIwJjNnGCbps/s320/3+GOOD.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04; font-size: small;"><u>Me need. Me want.</u> NOW.</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">Oh, </span><i style="color: #b45f06;"><b>PLEASE</b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">! Gimme some </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">See's</span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">…My breathing is labored…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">……….I can't seem to focus…….. nor think</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWZhgLArtuPw-BuSyqcFY-YKuvH2ePgT8pEhyphenhyphenx00q47Lp8-lMcsyOLkg03T6TEPcdHe4OJEe_kEurj1wuZjO8S-hpXTnJ10ubPf5q9IoNrEUp9bSxmmYqTljO99HF1g_DhLhVj9IT2yZ0/s1600/2+GOOD.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWZhgLArtuPw-BuSyqcFY-YKuvH2ePgT8pEhyphenhyphenx00q47Lp8-lMcsyOLkg03T6TEPcdHe4OJEe_kEurj1wuZjO8S-hpXTnJ10ubPf5q9IoNrEUp9bSxmmYqTljO99HF1g_DhLhVj9IT2yZ0/s320/2+GOOD.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04; font-size: small;">Inter Me Here</span></u></b><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04; font-size: small;"><b><u><br />
</u></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">The room's getting dark and</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">I'm weak at the knees......</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">If only ...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"> you'd given ...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;"> me </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">See's</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">...........</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;"><b><a href="http://www.sees.com">P.S. CHRISTMAS IS COMING: I'd click here if I were you!</a></b> </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-32244669344961911942010-12-26T17:34:00.000-08:002010-12-26T17:34:25.286-08:00The DVR and Christmas Fowl Up<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrBW3t_-4RdZ_AuQhPhUlJBpZOgZQVwCk1kOeYcqii8mF0i0omVLtteP71oHVQBUq9cLCguPB76iMi5ZU3UMGRjjhN7NQWYv9WaEgJO7RHeY05qJ6fm5udID21ywg-E8-QYKycsSjSezc/s1600/DVR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrBW3t_-4RdZ_AuQhPhUlJBpZOgZQVwCk1kOeYcqii8mF0i0omVLtteP71oHVQBUq9cLCguPB76iMi5ZU3UMGRjjhN7NQWYv9WaEgJO7RHeY05qJ6fm5udID21ywg-E8-QYKycsSjSezc/s320/DVR.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;"><u><b>The onus is on my DVR</b></u></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">I am addicted to the DVR. There is one in the living room, one in the bedroom, and one in my son’s room. Two DVRs have recording capabilities. One is set for CBS, NBC, and FX; the other is set for ABC, <st1:stockticker>TNT</st1:stockticker>, SYFY, and <st1:country-region><st1:place>USA</st1:place></st1:country-region>. I miss NOTHING.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Sometimes this can get out of hand. For example, I was suddenly faced with equally 14 episodes of PSYCH, BURN NOTICE and a near number of <st1:city><st1:place>DETROIT</st1:place></st1:city> <st1:date day="8" month="1" year="2007">1-8-7</st1:date>.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFcpqL-G0SwZXuJ3hdTNWoEaMEm5sTXYX-bXEkwGONl9hHN739j1cdAATjqmVkVdDsxU6ZEvzd8dCD6MalImFVCzqf4NIX8Cq5sphVUy4oAzC3miKpwjalWMM_Wr2PeyvB8IajhK7GyxY/s1600/cop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFcpqL-G0SwZXuJ3hdTNWoEaMEm5sTXYX-bXEkwGONl9hHN739j1cdAATjqmVkVdDsxU6ZEvzd8dCD6MalImFVCzqf4NIX8Cq5sphVUy4oAzC3miKpwjalWMM_Wr2PeyvB8IajhK7GyxY/s1600/cop.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;"><u><b>Good Cop</b></u></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8V1lZrZTMKY-PkTVWqriw-EuVQpzFP6ZXuQcpR78g9er7kKZLMfYPezGFYMTBdLrpReSOs0WQkJ3aCQtWb_LL25U8v8OdhWiBahADmpjkPXeza7eQizmwOAZzRuBXoumBcEgfSHCAe-4/s1600/criminal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8V1lZrZTMKY-PkTVWqriw-EuVQpzFP6ZXuQcpR78g9er7kKZLMfYPezGFYMTBdLrpReSOs0WQkJ3aCQtWb_LL25U8v8OdhWiBahADmpjkPXeza7eQizmwOAZzRuBXoumBcEgfSHCAe-4/s200/criminal.jpg" width="190" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;">Uh-Oh.</span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">I decided to start with <a href="http://abc.go.com/shows/detroit-1-8-7"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">DETROIT 187</span></a> the other day as I had a ton of laundry and what a perfect excuse to stay a willing prisoner in my bedroom. Besides I'm completely <i>fascinated </i>by <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0408284/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Michael Imperioli's nose</span></a>. It affects me the same way as <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000601/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">The Nose of Harold Ramis</span></a>. Anyway, once the laundry was finished, I still had time to change the sheets, paint the whole room, make curtains, a bed skirt and knit an afghan ... that finished up all the shows. After that immersion, I was ready to become either a Dumb Criminal or a Serious Cop.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht4ckHaCnYEnN3A283lMO6ljE4Q-4ve9CTOexQzWMnPV5btsruoBZbI7NRyOZV2NpBkEMuQ_RMP1mQipQJDiYH2WE-qZadCjpj6TC9DOxiChHudH4Jc-Qh2ePr2MRkJsOvUSeusvCA8t4/s1600/skeleton.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht4ckHaCnYEnN3A283lMO6ljE4Q-4ve9CTOexQzWMnPV5btsruoBZbI7NRyOZV2NpBkEMuQ_RMP1mQipQJDiYH2WE-qZadCjpj6TC9DOxiChHudH4Jc-Qh2ePr2MRkJsOvUSeusvCA8t4/s200/skeleton.jpg" width="145" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;"><u><b>Me, as Gabrielle Anwar</b></u></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">Similarly, when a friend and I watched two seasons of <a href="http://www.hbo.com/true-blood/index.html#/true-blood/cast-and-crew/index.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><st1:stockticker>TRUE</st1:stockticker> BLOOD</span></a> over the course of two Saturdays, I had a little legal trouble when I went about the neighborhood biting people in the middle of the night.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Moving on to <a href="http://www.usanetwork.com/series/burnnotice/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">BURN NOTICE</span></a> the next day, I starved all day, vowing to become an anorexic because <st1:personname><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000270/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Gabrielle Anwar</span></a></st1:personname> doesn’t just look good, she can also detonate anything with just gum and a toothpick. I was going to be so hot. That lasted until I got into the mashed potatoes. And the pie. And the cornbread. Okay, so being a svelte spy was out. So was looking like Jennifer Garner. Sigh.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I decided I needed something <b>REALISTIC </b>as I felt I was becoming out-of-touch. I went for <a href="http://www.usanetwork.com/series/psych/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">PSYCH</span></a>. 14 episodes later, I was doing the The Clue Face. I was the All-Too-Cautious Guster (complete with screaming). I was sighting UFOs. I managed to get NOTHING done that day in the house. Who can leave PSYCH for even a minute? Later that day I applied for an SBA loan to open my own psychic detective agency. Call me--I’m in the book. Wait. I already know your number. I'm psychic, remember?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Which brings me to the <u><b>Christmas Fowl Up</b></u>.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfZS4qUEX5uk6eVZU41EZJNk5uXOYEgr7rCxnaukMBe3icWUgSjCx5pmA-HtG7i96JHF6kMK8SgP5OfrlQ_Tok_WyGwwuMFBiAUWGyIcvhJ1X2KkG1rw_0utrFG7raoaDUKa5MiKI9PR0/s1600/coupon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="119" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfZS4qUEX5uk6eVZU41EZJNk5uXOYEgr7rCxnaukMBe3icWUgSjCx5pmA-HtG7i96JHF6kMK8SgP5OfrlQ_Tok_WyGwwuMFBiAUWGyIcvhJ1X2KkG1rw_0utrFG7raoaDUKa5MiKI9PR0/s200/coupon.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;">Lovely Coupon</span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">As I had yet to buy any grub for The Dinner, it occurred to me that I’d better hidey-ho to the grocery store and what with Fortune Smiling Upon Me, having just seen the <a href="http://www.vons.com/IFL/Grocery/Home"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">VONS</span></a> ad on TV: TURKEY! $5.00!... how could I resist?? Such a deal!!! I hummed to myself with shopping shrewdness.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Taking my meager unemployment check, apportioned into: so much for dog food, so much for cat food, so much for fish food, so much for bird food………and the “leavings” for us, I jumped gaily into the car. Having picked up a bag o'spuds at Smart & Final, celery, and a few other bulk-cheap items, it was time to stalk Vons in search of the GIGANTIC-EST bird I could get for <st1:stockticker>FIVE</st1:stockticker> BUCKS! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwXI1A6oYTF2Lf-hrfhMKDP3DHP-udv2cUjXXJmoI9aKHoDUjfMKKvTo4esSMqi6rnK-7jK_wVv-iCp0u4ntpUabiTfKKUl-u1aIFc-_-C4yaz4fPT0HJcPXom_760MKj8nzPky3bFseE/s1600/GROCERY+BAG.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwXI1A6oYTF2Lf-hrfhMKDP3DHP-udv2cUjXXJmoI9aKHoDUjfMKKvTo4esSMqi6rnK-7jK_wVv-iCp0u4ntpUabiTfKKUl-u1aIFc-_-C4yaz4fPT0HJcPXom_760MKj8nzPky3bFseE/s200/GROCERY+BAG.jpg" width="176" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;">Very empty</span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Into Vons, I ventured, straight to the meat section. Upon immediately not espying the bird of my dreams, I sought out the butcher, caught his eye and pried him from a gaggle of women who needed Cooking 101 regarding a pork chop. He scuttled over eagerly because I was wearing My Imperious Face. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Hi, where are the $5.00 turkeys? I can’t seem to locate them….are they in another area? Oh, just PLEASE tell me you’ve pirated away a few in the back. I’ll take any size, any shape, I just need a turkey!” I begged him to help me look for the elusive bargain. I was so excited I couldn't take a breath.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Oh, we don’t have any of those.” He replied somberly, and not the least bit snotty.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Can’t you find me just <st1:stockticker>ONE</st1:stockticker>?” I whined while batting my eyelashes furiously.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“No, I’m sorry, they’re all gone.” He seemed sympathetic, so I felt undefeated and somehow encouraged to continue, in SPITE of just having heard "NO" not once but TWICE!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“But”, I cried, “I just saw the ad on the TV. It was Vons and the ad said five dollar turkeys…I can’t remember if it was with or without a $20.00 purchase…” I trailed off, looking in vain at the rows and rows of turkeys some as high as $2.49 lb.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Ever so nicely, the butcher confirmed that an ad <i>WAS </i>run (on TV) for five-dollar turkeys. However, it was at THANKSGIVING, not for today. My mind was racing furiously. Was I insane?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I stood there dumbfounded, ready to go to battle. Then it hit me. I had just come off watching shows that were MONTHS and MONTHS old. The ad was, indeed, from November. The last show I watched of PSYCH aired in November, but I had <st1:stockticker>JUST</st1:stockticker> WATCHED it this VERY morning. <i>This particular morning being DECEMBER 23</i>. Thanks to the Infamous DVR, I was reduced to a blithering knucklehead. How could I extricate myself without looking like a total idiot?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Hey, on second thought,” I said, "I’m sick of turkey. Point me to the prime rib.” He obliged me. I picked up the most expensive one. <br />
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</div><div style="text-align: right;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It's now sitting somewhere on Aisle 8.</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBW5sB1yjiYPm3zQh5HsNonE8cW4GKcV6qw2tRK-FhvQPfDPmBK3ocIUbD432TdKsAVQuS9wn2t3Kalveg-En3HvtjKo0UtWCcBVMPfKdktRaJhluAoeVVBqtbWF88Hj2f4nbWHbogZSw/s1600/sad+tree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBW5sB1yjiYPm3zQh5HsNonE8cW4GKcV6qw2tRK-FhvQPfDPmBK3ocIUbD432TdKsAVQuS9wn2t3Kalveg-En3HvtjKo0UtWCcBVMPfKdktRaJhluAoeVVBqtbWF88Hj2f4nbWHbogZSw/s320/sad+tree.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: small;">HO. HO. HO.</span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div>Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-681927888918069382010-12-02T19:14:00.002-08:002010-12-02T19:14:44.997-08:00COMFORT FOOD<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You need to use this season to INDULGE yourself. Don’t ask permission from the uppy-ups. You are just ASKING to be smacked down. Eat. Smoke. Drink (do not drive). Have a joint, if that’s your bailiwick. Pick yer poison.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">COMFORT comes in many colors but it looks like most of them are blond!</span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9sCQNDvDPYRJ7E7XHmZ79hZFTdXkD-tkFzmBUbqT6DvPlexNyqkPexRMUeGuqUiXj5MTk1l36jguflnC6sEj4uZrM5Gxj8yG_k2IP-g5jGkLbzlx7zLQ1tB1tnloz6Jli6i0NRqR317k/s1600/pillow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9sCQNDvDPYRJ7E7XHmZ79hZFTdXkD-tkFzmBUbqT6DvPlexNyqkPexRMUeGuqUiXj5MTk1l36jguflnC6sEj4uZrM5Gxj8yG_k2IP-g5jGkLbzlx7zLQ1tB1tnloz6Jli6i0NRqR317k/s200/pillow.jpg" width="199" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Comforting, but inedible</span></span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This all comes down to The Peanut Butter Sandwich, Macaroni & Cheese, Mayonnaise, White Bread, Waffles, Spaghetti, and a U.S.D.A Idaho Spud! [Truth be told, if you choose the latter of the poisons in the first paragraph, you COULD add Cake Batter to this list….but that’s another story for another time.] Come to think of it, a Pillow is white but you dare not eat it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></o:p></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLelO5N6Y9i5dUf7ofMw7GdHYWACBOo_BxHATKQLkjpxBcr595JyW_-FSm0gLnEsKKOaYPxvhlXvoWFUSD00OpKwOqHXhzuSQeT66VffZzOw68qkLMxz7Ug4-QA8L2fVoOQb-ZUP9ptIA/s1600/IMG_2274.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLelO5N6Y9i5dUf7ofMw7GdHYWACBOo_BxHATKQLkjpxBcr595JyW_-FSm0gLnEsKKOaYPxvhlXvoWFUSD00OpKwOqHXhzuSQeT66VffZzOw68qkLMxz7Ug4-QA8L2fVoOQb-ZUP9ptIA/s320/IMG_2274.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><u><b>Ol' Paint</b></u></span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What <b>IS</b> it about visual stimuli? It’s sooooooooo hypnotic! I am immediately thrust backward, into childhood, whenever I see my waffle iron. The feet are broken and have to be shimmed so the thing doesn’t tilt (even though the sight of batter oozing from one side is fascinating to watch). The knob is gone and I have to use a screwdriver to turn it….but that was years ago and the accumulation of goop has rendered it “turnless” these days. That the iron has that sticky, gummy residue all over it bothers me not; it’s just a testament to the workhorse abilities of the little machine. Its brand, new silver-ness is a thing of the past but there’s something about that weather-beaten, burnt down exterior that just SCREAMS: I am a loved little appliance.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></o:p> </div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWhN-oMwAdPlsHAo_0ADjsIaADD8gkl4P1rjl7w78zoQp2LTDJxWKsXct6m8BBpNg-kL6cvz2wsvbjyB80-BBI-ogkZAKk7x4fwQF7UUrPT-7wlfxjm4LrQIPmSWKMMaG1qZxtR6ktzt0/s1600/DEC+08+THROUGH+FEB+23+09+439.jpg.2036233144.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWhN-oMwAdPlsHAo_0ADjsIaADD8gkl4P1rjl7w78zoQp2LTDJxWKsXct6m8BBpNg-kL6cvz2wsvbjyB80-BBI-ogkZAKk7x4fwQF7UUrPT-7wlfxjm4LrQIPmSWKMMaG1qZxtR6ktzt0/s200/DEC+08+THROUGH+FEB+23+09+439.jpg.2036233144.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Feet of Yeti</span></span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This season, I have been waxing nostalgic ad nauseum. I made crostoli (this little “Italian” cookie-ish thing has many names: Bow Knots, Crispelles, etc.). I was awash with memories of my Grandfather one day. He had this girlfriend (one of a multitude), a little round dumpling of a thing named <st1:personname><st2:givenname>Mary</st2:givenname> <st2:sn>Pascuzzi</st2:sn></st1:personname>. She had four words to her English vocabulary, “Hello, Honey” was one set. The next set began with, “You Granfadda…” followed by a litany of Italian words, all a scathing indictment of his erroneous ways told to me as she flung those knots into the hot oil. HOWEVER, she made these crispelles that tasted like heaven on a cloud. She worked tirelessly kneading this sweet dough into eventual thin knots, which she would fry, drizzle with honey, and then sprinkle with powdered sugar. I hold her personally responsible for last week’s 5lb weight gain because I made them. Once I tried to make calzones: they looked like I made Feet of Yeti for dinner. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Of course, I had to give the first four batches to the squirrels here. Memory seems to be a LOT different when you get older. <b>YOU </b>can go home again; but your taste buds can<b>NOT</b>. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></o:p> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuAWGBH7dKEyg8-VNCftoF8mLHIFU25aRZQbpwO6sOfqbqeImazicvI1PDvls9k_Wb-qKyXigq4rig9zEqXeBB2QUZ9zoNPCeB8rUJmLVQqkXZGwVq-lTyjI_2LPpu2LQbszaT67muLDw/s1600/IMG_2280.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuAWGBH7dKEyg8-VNCftoF8mLHIFU25aRZQbpwO6sOfqbqeImazicvI1PDvls9k_Wb-qKyXigq4rig9zEqXeBB2QUZ9zoNPCeB8rUJmLVQqkXZGwVq-lTyjI_2LPpu2LQbszaT67muLDw/s200/IMG_2280.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Manwich<br />
</span></span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">But what can you do to a Peanut Butter Sandwich on White Bread. I hid the Orowheat Light Wheat Bread in the freezer and started a weeklong trek into my past, yet again. What IS it about Skippy Creamy and soft, dreamy white bread????? I do NOT eat ESSENCE of Peanut Butter Sandwiches either. The fact is a peanut butter sandwich must be made to completely remove all ability to speak once you have taken a bite. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Start</span></span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This brings us to Macaroni & Cheese. The Great American Food. Five minutes to throw together, one hour of taste bud ecstasy and satisfaction. Of course, if you REALLY want to do it up right, you throw in sharp grated cheese (a ton, of course) and throw it in the oven for a while so it gets crusty on top and gooey in the middle. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, sated again.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi53drx-yXxECFKpfWcUhuvTPgC14QWcGnuEKXv-Jqn1_h0ix5sdBqmSxBZ7YlsblAyjjXdnln86_AlMIx9ohWbWFxN1ppl9VUP-EE1eeBaRWwWQKI2g1Ju9M2TRdO7uaGcf_zNRGiK4sg/s1600/mac+n+cheese.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi53drx-yXxECFKpfWcUhuvTPgC14QWcGnuEKXv-Jqn1_h0ix5sdBqmSxBZ7YlsblAyjjXdnln86_AlMIx9ohWbWFxN1ppl9VUP-EE1eeBaRWwWQKI2g1Ju9M2TRdO7uaGcf_zNRGiK4sg/s200/mac+n+cheese.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Finish</span></span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">While I’m on the subject of macaroni… Take your chi-chi penne (which is just about mostaccioli only shorter and skinnier). For God’s sake, people, these fancy names for stuff we eat are just about to kill me. So throw down a plate of spaghetti, cover it with sauce or serve it up douched in Olive Oil and Parmesan Cheese and dig in. Oh, the “blondness” of it all!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw_470IedsSehV10ZgxnXoca1jyKjBVLj690pL8cMz7l0NZfVSN6YlLFpd3NV47BqHQ3SwMYo57y1ip6llSncfdP6Me_f2JEL-3gJmp22xcMkM7nzTOy0ibq4gxn-q02eD0zS2gYW4-RE/s1600/omayer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="117" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw_470IedsSehV10ZgxnXoca1jyKjBVLj690pL8cMz7l0NZfVSN6YlLFpd3NV47BqHQ3SwMYo57y1ip6llSncfdP6Me_f2JEL-3gJmp22xcMkM7nzTOy0ibq4gxn-q02eD0zS2gYW4-RE/s200/omayer.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"...it's O-S-C-A-R"</span></u></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And lest we forget: Mayonnaise. I recall a mayonnaise sandwich or two, back in the day. If I HAD to, a piece of Oscar Mayer B-O-L-O-<st1:stockticker>GNA</st1:stockticker>, again on pure and pristine white bread slathered with Ye Olde Mayo, could go a long way when I felt down in the dumps.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0ZCzchuLmyot234MUmzMNJbCDEFiOI9dEDbqOcmptAnblP4jqj9lHLDh6LF1upgyYqkE6ezM1OTrSBGci_ffC6yryH3jVjl6f6e1kwQ3CJpOCk72lkfnjVHnm1KpmCd3nW9jqHzKr-w4/s1600/spud.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="159" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0ZCzchuLmyot234MUmzMNJbCDEFiOI9dEDbqOcmptAnblP4jqj9lHLDh6LF1upgyYqkE6ezM1OTrSBGci_ffC6yryH3jVjl6f6e1kwQ3CJpOCk72lkfnjVHnm1KpmCd3nW9jqHzKr-w4/s200/spud.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><u>El Magnifico</u></span></span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And FINALLY: The Staple of all Staples: MR. POTATO. What can I say? If EVER there was a little beast that just begged to be eaten, it is the potato. I'm sure it actually <i>quivers</i> with excitement and anticipation when the toppings (or not) are prepped to be-crown this majesty of food. A fat baked spud, drooling with real butter, suffocating under the tremendous weight of real sour cream and, what say you? chives? bacon? broccoli? Oh, the Wonder of a Potato. That fluffy (blond) center, steaming and gorgeous........that crisp peel........ I'm in love. I need a minute to collect myself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So, you go ahead and self-comfort, because the government sure isn’t going to help you out while you’re down in the dumps, but good ol’ Mother Nature (and a little bit of science) sure ain’t gonna hurt.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCjNzzZDwXkQVqQHLsDO3PMpxlWPSFKVxopN9Zc9W22ADfhw3AimBEYfhEmJlQynX-Gevewal7kGcsorrDYRS3mmdAEzvCnjbZBFtei11BLDG4dherCeUGFL4hCSfLIlXwedIHLWZvhJc/s1600/smok.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="171" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCjNzzZDwXkQVqQHLsDO3PMpxlWPSFKVxopN9Zc9W22ADfhw3AimBEYfhEmJlQynX-Gevewal7kGcsorrDYRS3mmdAEzvCnjbZBFtei11BLDG4dherCeUGFL4hCSfLIlXwedIHLWZvhJc/s200/smok.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Here's smoking at you, kid</span></span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If we leave every decision up to Legislators to decide whether or not: we’re either too fat or too skinny, (and THEY set the bar), whether we can or cannot smoke here or there, if we’re too gay to serve our country, if we should drill offshore (thankfully recently rescinded), if we should not tax the wealthy *<a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Business/Tax/ge-exxon-paid-us-income-taxes-09/story?id=10300167">http://abcnews.go.com/Business/Tax/ge-exxon-paid-us-income-taxes-09/story?id=10300167</a>, we’re in deep doo-doo. There are reports that the government of <st1:country-region><st1:place>Afghanistan</st1:place></st1:country-region> is corrupt in spite of alllllllllllllll the U.S. dollars being funneled into “fixing” it. Big business, here, with the permission of our government, engages in felonious misconduct as the result of that same government’s lack of serious oversight, all to the detriment of the American People.</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1XbLT5A4pcQdkmdaD2JAzHjYNrGYOhrJWwKS7EVZuI5ywEwuMvVwDorOGfjQ2kS9q9X-Mgmd3zYU9a4jsgj5RAJ_guGjh-m6mieSjYsUT76khyd_V4F3z__MYtEHRupHVFnnL9h6w6co/s1600/cemetery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1XbLT5A4pcQdkmdaD2JAzHjYNrGYOhrJWwKS7EVZuI5ywEwuMvVwDorOGfjQ2kS9q9X-Mgmd3zYU9a4jsgj5RAJ_guGjh-m6mieSjYsUT76khyd_V4F3z__MYtEHRupHVFnnL9h6w6co/s200/cemetery.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">How many gays who fought for us <br />
are interred here?</span></span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Well, we’ve only spent <a href="http://costofwar.com/">http://costofwar.com/</a>, while the <st1:country-region><st1:place>United States</st1:place></st1:country-region> is going to hell in a hand basket, and <st1:stockticker>FAST</st1:stockticker>. That Congress Lets Unemployment Benefits Expire (during this CHRISTMAS season) <a href="http://egpnews.com/?p=22169">http://egpnews.com/?p=22169</a> defies intelligent comprehension about The Peoples’ (that’s you and me) decision to vote some of these men and women into offices of power. Furthermore, not every State in the <st1:place>Union</st1:place> declares animal cruelty a Felony. Ok, personal feelings aside on the animal cruelty issue….</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So, while we sit here and let felons run rampant in our streets using what-all kinds of guns to snipe us on the highway but spend countless dollars enacting all kinds of this-a’s and that-a’s to keep us from smoking (WHEN is the last time you saw a drive-by cigarette shooting?????), I think we need <b>COMFORT </b>(see beginning of this article).</span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0Uemc7q1N_6OYD4nYTozxq2bSuUlrlFkVDkPL03HS2R0YrdXabBsSHGcKyJdx5CVbj82HNU1m_beRP1fD1aATZmoXij4aBgFnQkRyPM7B1qHkR232vSg9eZm7Z8lXHLXO6ZRs-GQeWQo/s1600/victim.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0Uemc7q1N_6OYD4nYTozxq2bSuUlrlFkVDkPL03HS2R0YrdXabBsSHGcKyJdx5CVbj82HNU1m_beRP1fD1aATZmoXij4aBgFnQkRyPM7B1qHkR232vSg9eZm7Z8lXHLXO6ZRs-GQeWQo/s200/victim.jpg" width="182" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><u><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">This beautiful 6-year old was a drive-by victim. <br />
Someone's beloved child is gone forever.</span></span></b></u></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Maybe you’d rather sit there, stupefied into apathy by The Real Housewives of Atlanta (or <st1:place><st1:placename>Orange</st1:placename> <st1:placetype>County</st1:placetype></st1:place>) and waste your life watching them bitch-slap each other, because it’s easier than working an Abuse Hotline. On the other hand, perhaps you’d like your senses dulled by Jersey Shore, justifying watching it because it SOMEHOW got a People’s Choice Award so it MUST be good, intellectual TV, right? Then, again, it beats working at a <st1:place><st1:placename>Teen</st1:placename> <st1:placetype>Center</st1:placetype></st1:place>, trying to help disadvantaged youth. You may prefer The Bachelorette where everyone and anyone can and will be humiliated. One of The Bachelors took his own life last month (uh, that would be Real Life). Gee, work a suicide hotline? Hmmmm, there’s a thought. While these shows are stuffed down your throat, suffocating you into malaise and denial, I suggest you devise a way to somehow fight against the machine. Start by watching <u>Network</u> and <u>Wag the Dog</u> and get a grip on your manipulators!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCMQCdtjKfwGcbm_80foHMT2v8079mXuZB2kNdc61cBkAvDw9R_SrbWmOMz5ZZBJn3VvJTRQKCCY8xMFxwLQR6ddtipfDsPWuA4DqjZGNxhOBrfZ5tlC174yus1bxa-5V62H74wE8O2LE/s1600/drink.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCMQCdtjKfwGcbm_80foHMT2v8079mXuZB2kNdc61cBkAvDw9R_SrbWmOMz5ZZBJn3VvJTRQKCCY8xMFxwLQR6ddtipfDsPWuA4DqjZGNxhOBrfZ5tlC174yus1bxa-5V62H74wE8O2LE/s200/drink.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Chill</span></span></u></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I think I’d better go make a margarita. Maybe two. They’ll make me feel better about my unemployment benefits being cut off. Don’t worry, I can’t drive after I drink: my new car was repo’d after I was laid off. GM has no sense of humor.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I ran a spell check on this and it said I write like an eighth grader: as if I give a kwap. Let it spell check KWAP! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I’LL decide whether or not I spelled it right or wrong. Meanwhile, I'm going to go make some pancakes (blond, of course!).</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What a world, what a world………</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div>Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-89689406200911744442010-10-22T20:51:00.000-07:002011-01-11T20:23:32.100-08:00SPAY & NEUTER THE PETS. STERILIZE THE NEIGHBORS<div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2G2SJ4xm-aGd1Dk5mrQjeGP4flTbBSwJzV0AXq75kiXIR4la9cmm4eee0QSKojDxAZOjsCEV1phxg32T6UeitffQOY2j7u_RsP_2FeSiAR3ixGwbPMjsjcjEYH_-cceyr5ST-erplxNo/s1600/shampoo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2G2SJ4xm-aGd1Dk5mrQjeGP4flTbBSwJzV0AXq75kiXIR4la9cmm4eee0QSKojDxAZOjsCEV1phxg32T6UeitffQOY2j7u_RsP_2FeSiAR3ixGwbPMjsjcjEYH_-cceyr5ST-erplxNo/s200/shampoo.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Aaahhhh!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div>Yesterday, in a fit of cleanliness, I evacuated, showered, shaved, AND shampooed. I went to get cat food and smokes. Came back. How long could that take? Not long, trust me.</div><div></div><div>The "neighbors" next door have their house for sale AND were giving away free kittens as evidenced by the 40 signs with which they had plastered their house, AND because of the recent rain had bleeding red ink so it looked more like Kiiiiiiiiitttttttttteeeeeeeennnnnnnssssss. </div><div><br />
</div><div>I resolved that I would have NOTHING to do with the kittens. I already share my abode with five cats, 2 dogs, 4 birds, and a plethora of fish. Do I REALLY NEEEEEEEEEEED more? Nay.</div><div></div><div>When I returned I met up with one of those neighbors and I had a wild, intelligent thought but my mouth beat my brain to the punch before I had a chance to clearly think through that wild, intelligent thought....</div><div></div><div>Mouth: <b>Hey! I have a lot of empty moving boxes and wrapping paper, would you like to have them?</b></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFutXGsTclWMN9lzrdyF9vKJ6xLx7DgoCvBIt0lN9YITGbE7NWJrYMdqBrThV3jEoFHetzLDfapp37A7NMl8O_wEDb9JxeaszbjADtrlIn_-NEP1qOTxD7qqT0uiS6R47YhdRXePKdRN0/s1600/box.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFutXGsTclWMN9lzrdyF9vKJ6xLx7DgoCvBIt0lN9YITGbE7NWJrYMdqBrThV3jEoFHetzLDfapp37A7NMl8O_wEDb9JxeaszbjADtrlIn_-NEP1qOTxD7qqT0uiS6R47YhdRXePKdRN0/s1600/box.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Le Box</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div>Neighbor (short, unshaven, unkempt male, constantly revealing fish-white pot belly by pulling up shirt; I wondered...was he making a wish by rubbing it? Could I make a wish that he would disappear???): <b>Yes, I wondered where I was going to get boxes.</b></div><div></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrXZIFZ5WMGXYfLzTZ-gtFysRj55KNs6AWuc1a58RM3t8_ky6Yha_kJAsuZh39bwRVFRACErL8B8TJW-xCBMcroEmoGmS4LsHRyEEsnjXrUHhRxVLmLjaQ5CisCiPpOFTu28qIvCg2iKw/s1600/belly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrXZIFZ5WMGXYfLzTZ-gtFysRj55KNs6AWuc1a58RM3t8_ky6Yha_kJAsuZh39bwRVFRACErL8B8TJW-xCBMcroEmoGmS4LsHRyEEsnjXrUHhRxVLmLjaQ5CisCiPpOFTu28qIvCg2iKw/s1600/belly.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Neighbor is shorter</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div>Mouth: <b>I'll get them for you.</b></div><div>Neighbor (attempting to SCALE that hump which divides our front yards; it's all of 18 inches high and I half-expected him to go back to his house and get a climbing rope and pitons): <b>I can do it.</b></div><div></div><div>Mouth: <b>No, it's easier for me.</b> (they were outside on top of the Chevy, three feet away).</div><div>Neighbor: <b>I have kittens... would you like one?</b></div><div></div><div>Mouth: <b>Oh! Kittens! Uh, gee, no thanks, I really have enough pets, but thanks, anyway.</b></div><div>Neighbor (struggling with two EMPTY boxes) takes boxes into his house.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I wait. And wait. AND WAIT. Finally, I bring remaining boxes to a picnic table in their front yard. While doing so, he returns and takes a whopping two more empty boxes. </div><div></div><div>Neighbor: <b>I don't think I need any more wrapping paper. Come and see the kittens.</b></div><div>Mouth: <b> No, really, that's okay, I'm good.</b></div><div></div><div>Neighbor: <b>Well, look and tell your friends and maybe they will take one.</b></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnDQ_u0St84J9_gURqLnAKql3m9aCG8mcE22Xo6kkaWOqeDrkNsFZVl7OD4ea7f0ho7-hQjb9uNsDr-hcqqUXZw0OnOXoprx3_RYzJ10T1NortwbUath187-OQ06tQr634i4fEDKDPcdc/s1600/brain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnDQ_u0St84J9_gURqLnAKql3m9aCG8mcE22Xo6kkaWOqeDrkNsFZVl7OD4ea7f0ho7-hQjb9uNsDr-hcqqUXZw0OnOXoprx3_RYzJ10T1NortwbUath187-OQ06tQr634i4fEDKDPcdc/s200/brain.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Braindead</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div>Mouth (brain STILL NOT EFFING ENGAGING!!!!! (the 60's will do that to you)): <b>Oh, okay.</b></div><div></div><div>I pick up remaining full boxes (3) and bring to his front door. Front door COVERED in filth, fingerprints, dog fur, wet leaves, and spider webs. Unidentifiable SMELL emanating from inside which ASSAULTS every one of my senses once the door is opened. It's like a blast furnace of p-u!</div><div></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPOKy4ufAihPi7bzmbwEndiNIdcSVKhMz7QsPh4AvUEEegx4siiL0HaAOfasog8AqzY7eI6S0Id2ZO50wknl66lTiJCibJkJAhbEcFHvg6JrVyGno3B28OTAAvJdMxjAyITbUcERAClas/s1600/smell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPOKy4ufAihPi7bzmbwEndiNIdcSVKhMz7QsPh4AvUEEegx4siiL0HaAOfasog8AqzY7eI6S0Id2ZO50wknl66lTiJCibJkJAhbEcFHvg6JrVyGno3B28OTAAvJdMxjAyITbUcERAClas/s1600/smell.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Self-explanatory</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div>Brain starts firing, but only on one cell.</div><div></div><div>Mouth: <b>Really, I'm sure you're not prepared for company as you are probably packing to move; I don't need to come in. </b>(<i>I'm going to be killed, I just KNOW it; they'll never find me here. They'll certainly never detect the smell of a DEAD body).</i></div><div>Neighbor (shuffling forward): <b>That's okay.</b></div><div></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_6jjuLJu9oDU-tJv0rsF2xhyphenhyphenFf5YzZTMIXHiTgyyxgjEWOPkMykghiJ0OJTx3RldNE9oXp1ObDrhJaGXspZb_3NS2E-0YiFrXlJIM_h5V4aZihS_4wvrglmaRMkMYtyN3sUSztxE8IsY/s1600/dead+fish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="display: inline !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_6jjuLJu9oDU-tJv0rsF2xhyphenhyphenFf5YzZTMIXHiTgyyxgjEWOPkMykghiJ0OJTx3RldNE9oXp1ObDrhJaGXspZb_3NS2E-0YiFrXlJIM_h5V4aZihS_4wvrglmaRMkMYtyN3sUSztxE8IsY/s200/dead+fish.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Former Tank Occupant</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>I step in. Dark, malodorous, covered with F I L T H. It's everywhere. A half-full fish tank with no fish (I THINK) sits in what I suppose is a den which has a peeling linoleum floor. The tank is moss green...inside. Odd things floating in it. Nothing moving; no bubbling filter. It's almost SPOOKY in there... I can ALMOST see outside through the sliding glass door; it's murky though. If I wasn't sure the windows were GRIMY, I'd swear I have cataracts. Or glaucoma.</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEdXutiHr60AMKVutSvmctR4FUcYpX8ib0waS63xbv2LP5BVgooEq9uqtP_jiqlvJWoSAMwb8PE4-WEPdu95lROkrEj3mIEUEO-6bTI_ffjBZMPz3L1vXoU7YlC8FgNbtWaTqKvHbNEqA/s1600/blurry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEdXutiHr60AMKVutSvmctR4FUcYpX8ib0waS63xbv2LP5BVgooEq9uqtP_jiqlvJWoSAMwb8PE4-WEPdu95lROkrEj3mIEUEO-6bTI_ffjBZMPz3L1vXoU7YlC8FgNbtWaTqKvHbNEqA/s1600/blurry.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">View from the window</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div></div><div>This house is for SALE?????? It will need to be razed and sold for land value only. There is not one inch of space that isn't covered in grime, grease, dust, and various kinds of spooge. The STINK is triggering my gag reflex.</div><div></div><div>There are cats and kittens covering the house. I'm certain my eyes are wide and watering; I'm also speechless. A first, for me.</div><div></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYEiVRVRBARurEoon8mc15HPNId2VBZ9Q76ToiWy1ZbaPd7ZQerxM-61jPC8l95g8kMxKOnNx5mJIRF_NQm-Ru8EqLQMsaicEK7ho7bfN83EslKQIhuL1Diun1m7bdmR10CXaNMc5SJqA/s1600/kittens.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="103" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYEiVRVRBARurEoon8mc15HPNId2VBZ9Q76ToiWy1ZbaPd7ZQerxM-61jPC8l95g8kMxKOnNx5mJIRF_NQm-Ru8EqLQMsaicEK7ho7bfN83EslKQIhuL1Diun1m7bdmR10CXaNMc5SJqA/s200/kittens.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Help us!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div>Neighbor: <b>Some of these are part Himalayan. My wife and I used to raise Himalayans for 15 years but the female got too old. There are 4 here that are about 11 weeks old and 8 that are about 5 weeks old. </b></div><div><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div>I see darting shapes everywhere. Some large, some medium, some small. The tiniest mewing. I did catch sight of a raggedy, mat-ridden Himalayan whose eyes were so dull and murky and devoid of true Animal Spirit and Adventure, that I thought she might be blind.</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWHllwGttlEpZl6eGhYcVBEzvaoIcjLGPAVV1Gct-96NmKJX_Cal8X6aPgTKok-YQw0L-QOJYKH-pPhXLCR2ZKhQqd-lMYsZE3POZIgbXSxN9PXdN1dbrA31i1WoFFG0qlon_lYFVe20A/s1600/vomit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWHllwGttlEpZl6eGhYcVBEzvaoIcjLGPAVV1Gct-96NmKJX_Cal8X6aPgTKok-YQw0L-QOJYKH-pPhXLCR2ZKhQqd-lMYsZE3POZIgbXSxN9PXdN1dbrA31i1WoFFG0qlon_lYFVe20A/s200/vomit.jpg" width="164" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Ralph on the Horizon</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div></div><div>He corrals two kittens and thrusts them into my arms. CLEARLY, they are malnourished; the bodies are tiny and their heads huge. They are SO not used to being held. Phfft! Phfft! Phfft! Orange ones, grey ones, black ones.....everywhere!</div><div></div><div>At this point, I feel a puke coming on. I quickly give the pathetic little babies the requisite attention and excuse myself with a promise of more boxes and telling Neighbor that I would tell my friends about the kittens. NOT.</div><div></div><div>I saunter out casually because I think RUNNING might tip the guy off that I'm about to blow chunks. Once the front door opens I inhale the sweet, succulent fresh air Mother Nature hastily ushers my way.</div><div></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP-QqbuSN1hQl046qZWNzFaePNOOka0-5mnFpYsYo1sItvuIbdk5JiBU5H5pVaIFHanxYG4Gso1sN6U2usyW07xYwL7BwXmyGi5JUZ48ZSDv54wRb3Dh37sIEyNeCtAdNpfdSfqF6qtKc/s1600/decontam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP-QqbuSN1hQl046qZWNzFaePNOOka0-5mnFpYsYo1sItvuIbdk5JiBU5H5pVaIFHanxYG4Gso1sN6U2usyW07xYwL7BwXmyGi5JUZ48ZSDv54wRb3Dh37sIEyNeCtAdNpfdSfqF6qtKc/s200/decontam.jpg" width="193" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Hazmat</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div>I hit my front door with a velocity unparalled; strip and HIT THE SHOWER, SOAPING WILDLY, RE-SHAMPOOING VIGOROUSLY, conVINCED I have contracted every disease known to man and animal. I wished for a decontaminator machine.</div><div></div><div>As a P.S. these were the same people who hollered over the fence at me one night, <b>Hey! Is that your black cat? </b></div></div><div><div><div><br />
</div><div>I'm thinking, gee, in this neighborhood there are about 27 BLACK cats, but I say, <b>I do have a black cat. Why? </b> (thinking, oh shit, something happened to YOW (his name).</div><div></div><div>This "woman" yells, <b>Well, some black cat got our cat pregnant! </b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5aEp2h_BvdMzzqie7WvHSmbIXjwwJdf-KA34RyNNtdMt-G58BOJX2f5KanE95uHS3JHcQ6rDuQ77Dz2336_1Ze8DCNhPooXtRppBxkWjQHgjt3Cm8MQhAfxRQSpXYGSjdSU6oylbe5-w/s1600/spay.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5aEp2h_BvdMzzqie7WvHSmbIXjwwJdf-KA34RyNNtdMt-G58BOJX2f5KanE95uHS3JHcQ6rDuQ77Dz2336_1Ze8DCNhPooXtRppBxkWjQHgjt3Cm8MQhAfxRQSpXYGSjdSU6oylbe5-w/s1600/spay.jpg" /></a></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkO7faGD2Cx8GKatAf_bEYoFQtVE4jiOhARZmcwCgFtmwW4CUulBgynjb1EIxUKSnszmZpINKGfn5O9hUdjg-21lCjl4zEJ7ivE2xZIekMzjYMrXh46UZCaTCK6ghnlFnm3Ws5RaNRc-k/s1600/IMG_2268.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkO7faGD2Cx8GKatAf_bEYoFQtVE4jiOhARZmcwCgFtmwW4CUulBgynjb1EIxUKSnszmZpINKGfn5O9hUdjg-21lCjl4zEJ7ivE2xZIekMzjYMrXh46UZCaTCK6ghnlFnm3Ws5RaNRc-k/s200/IMG_2268.JPG" width="149" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Yow the Spermless</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div>Not thinking (again, brain freeze) to say: HELLO, RETARD, GET YOUR CAT SPAYED. KEEP IT IN THE HOUSE!, I say, <b>Well, all my pets are spayed and neutered.</b> And I go into the house....WITH my BLACK, NEUTERED cat.</div><div></div><div>Sheesh.</div></div></div>Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-46709084906619314982010-10-13T20:06:00.000-07:002010-10-13T20:06:35.941-07:00POOP SOUP, GREEN LAWNS, AND FISH STICKS<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCzmZdrdL1lS3BoGnSVpFTBHsgY6MkYu-4Zk_iZCg7nIIOYClXum-RAvPFHe-tIrE4sO7tI_lGadQmL-PnmwvaqVCPUJaKd0Wu1ya0b7WyVC1bYqEcLE-yg7NeWMTzlwRZeoOS9eRJBEw/s1600/whip.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCzmZdrdL1lS3BoGnSVpFTBHsgY6MkYu-4Zk_iZCg7nIIOYClXum-RAvPFHe-tIrE4sO7tI_lGadQmL-PnmwvaqVCPUJaKd0Wu1ya0b7WyVC1bYqEcLE-yg7NeWMTzlwRZeoOS9eRJBEw/s200/whip.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">When I was younger, The Taskmaster (The Mom) would creep up on us silently and stand with legs apart, knees locked, and hands on her hips while her elbows stuck out like bent bobby pins. We recognized this stance as Something Is Up. Then came the Glare, followed by a voice using the highest octave known to man, including a note frequently known to make dogs shudder: “</span><st1:stockticker><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">GET</span></st1:stockticker><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!” How a two-letter word, made up of a single vowel and one consonant could be made to sound like an entire Pavarotti aria, I'll never know.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge69BRyvkfk0Zkl3GXX0kGvM_KZBWRzUlb1gmupbFCaHDZepom1SHMOeYNWJG1vMF2_ECJFYVCNwViSQmaP7YRFzbSmp4CdX3NNc5VyYPrVci1WfMpVJoB_HYbtMD5CKmrjbm-35MGGso/s1600/vinyl+chair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge69BRyvkfk0Zkl3GXX0kGvM_KZBWRzUlb1gmupbFCaHDZepom1SHMOeYNWJG1vMF2_ECJFYVCNwViSQmaP7YRFzbSmp4CdX3NNc5VyYPrVci1WfMpVJoB_HYbtMD5CKmrjbm-35MGGso/s200/vinyl+chair.jpg" width="126" /></span></a><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">We weren’t asleep; we were lounging around. My mother thought that if SHE was mobile YOU should be mobile. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgupiEFjJFhKy0uht0MZR-MEhuQc83o7PoSehG2SapNREQ2K0ORekpLf5K56qpc6k37DeNKTnIXe33BStgkGkfF9viGntnC5ZPdbPuLv4iivCiygPEfpR3aHfvrHIl25p1N__XUbpsVQrQ/s1600/COMET" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgupiEFjJFhKy0uht0MZR-MEhuQc83o7PoSehG2SapNREQ2K0ORekpLf5K56qpc6k37DeNKTnIXe33BStgkGkfF9viGntnC5ZPdbPuLv4iivCiygPEfpR3aHfvrHIl25p1N__XUbpsVQrQ/s1600/COMET" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“There’s nothing to do!” we’d complain.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Biiiiiiiiiiig mistake. We were immediately handed scouring powder, rags and each loaded with a vinyl kitchen chair being sent to the back yard all the while given instructions to scrub the chair thoroughly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKYOcWc3sOPP8VDD-LaKq7mNDrgh8zIlw4uWitE7mfk-DgDP2qwwG0VJHs0JkNRJjpHWbbj4-yelMyjG-KriI2BzTPHuQ_WoZCTPcnyz3R5qk54DoUNhyphenhyphentxJff_imuUFswoa3Wj-OJtQ0/s1600/WINDOW+SCREEN" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="142" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKYOcWc3sOPP8VDD-LaKq7mNDrgh8zIlw4uWitE7mfk-DgDP2qwwG0VJHs0JkNRJjpHWbbj4-yelMyjG-KriI2BzTPHuQ_WoZCTPcnyz3R5qk54DoUNhyphenhyphentxJff_imuUFswoa3Wj-OJtQ0/s200/WINDOW+SCREEN" width="200" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">If the chairs were somehow already clean, Taskmaster decided all the screens on the house needed to be taken out of the windows and abraded of every clinging morsel on the screen itself and the aluminum frame. The backyard lawn looked like a checkerboard. You were mindful to NEVER leave them lying on the grass all day in case Dad came home to find brown outlines of where the screens once lay.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQbVdIgpel5-S_vdznplCqizdSIuWvwo_U40dXzqY-baz2nlCZ5PDl6gt21jTNeU777EgI66bVlr4wZpbPJcGVwgzK_eSsD7nX_HO_NxHXKyq2qo9lxzvm_eNBdy3mDL6pV4cur79lCQU/s1600/sprinklers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQbVdIgpel5-S_vdznplCqizdSIuWvwo_U40dXzqY-baz2nlCZ5PDl6gt21jTNeU777EgI66bVlr4wZpbPJcGVwgzK_eSsD7nX_HO_NxHXKyq2qo9lxzvm_eNBdy3mDL6pV4cur79lCQU/s200/sprinklers.jpg" width="200" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p>If for some astonishing reason TM was feeling benevolent, our instructions were to: “GO FIND SOMETHING TO DO!”; OR: “GO PLAY IN THE SPRINKLERS!” That one was the best. Which was how we came to have the most beautiful lawns in our neighborhood. Between the sprinklers, the chairs, the screens, and What Comes Next, our precisely cut (thanks to Mr. Yamamoto, our then gardener), emerald green, lush yards were the subject of much envy in the 'hood.</span></div><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I bestow upon you one of my secrets unbeknownst to my mother:</span><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">How to Have THE Green Lawn, Adoring Fans, Solve the World’s Problems, Achieve Peace of Mind and a Restful Soul, and, as a bonus, Eliminate Flies without Pesticides (all simultaneously).</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Step 1. Have lawn (or a reasonable facsimile thereof). </span></i></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc1v-sJMnTVWPuxG0y4cTMjlYvJsEfC5jDz23t0ECrgmth1ODqNQCi4Xb7jydRoE9f6A3mi1RwNvuPwzvXMcqUdBQE61APTxQtCVH28IgPTLDhThmVpHddNDOOib_Nc49Re2yanSVN3dA/s1600/IMG_2247.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc1v-sJMnTVWPuxG0y4cTMjlYvJsEfC5jDz23t0ECrgmth1ODqNQCi4Xb7jydRoE9f6A3mi1RwNvuPwzvXMcqUdBQE61APTxQtCVH28IgPTLDhThmVpHddNDOOib_Nc49Re2yanSVN3dA/s200/IMG_2247.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Before</span></b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig9iY_2K0RTyyGH2Gba_hxpjWkVVDhiVOdSYrhKNt8ehbooydeKTcTv9xVMEt0GSbqovf09qcs7nZITBFJZYnN-aQzYH8fp_yxYr_8MGN6tNCCN92Nh9oFvtc_4DoMV-XzZIhW1TQtSVk/s1600/IMG_2236.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig9iY_2K0RTyyGH2Gba_hxpjWkVVDhiVOdSYrhKNt8ehbooydeKTcTv9xVMEt0GSbqovf09qcs7nZITBFJZYnN-aQzYH8fp_yxYr_8MGN6tNCCN92Nh9oFvtc_4DoMV-XzZIhW1TQtSVk/s200/IMG_2236.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">After</span></b></span></td></tr>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Step 2. Get (buy/adopt) The Factory (dog).</span></i></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB5cwwUDbv_f3NOr2BGzw14C_SagOkikRoymGveRCQwjO6Q96lFoqu3zh7ib-8bixwW_OwYrTeT5QRLddj21cMGUponJQfwQLrQnGvymQINUYdVl4fN3J4Sym07Zu_p9JZKYS5JLMK9Qg/s1600/IMG_2246.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB5cwwUDbv_f3NOr2BGzw14C_SagOkikRoymGveRCQwjO6Q96lFoqu3zh7ib-8bixwW_OwYrTeT5QRLddj21cMGUponJQfwQLrQnGvymQINUYdVl4fN3J4Sym07Zu_p9JZKYS5JLMK9Qg/s200/IMG_2246.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">FRANK (a factory)</span></span></b></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQg77d6Nkizgwns9qf5EkuxXbtRqe9G8K5DrvMwrhF5OfjZZWV5JoaMSqW2Sm5I18Fdl7Omueb6IHzvJ4weMfA6KWfOeaGiZ_sYJNmtfhGu1El6YXsqRZHMtOP2uohvhjUR2OA4ykISoY/s1600/IMG_2245.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQg77d6Nkizgwns9qf5EkuxXbtRqe9G8K5DrvMwrhF5OfjZZWV5JoaMSqW2Sm5I18Fdl7Omueb6IHzvJ4weMfA6KWfOeaGiZ_sYJNmtfhGu1El6YXsqRZHMtOP2uohvhjUR2OA4ykISoY/s200/IMG_2245.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">BEANS (the other factory)</span></b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzG7Chk3PAynyh5BYilARE4lJx80CTltu8PnLsR5aHzyKLE9eJEBmala5-EX0WPiEc4qcsJzs-tuDo2EgDJeTJBYeuGkhX-CtzebzTrq6h8Nn3oOwftAvJdDz4NoSC3Tj4f45GnFIhb0U/s1600/IMG_2263.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzG7Chk3PAynyh5BYilARE4lJx80CTltu8PnLsR5aHzyKLE9eJEBmala5-EX0WPiEc4qcsJzs-tuDo2EgDJeTJBYeuGkhX-CtzebzTrq6h8Nn3oOwftAvJdDz4NoSC3Tj4f45GnFIhb0U/s200/IMG_2263.JPG" width="149" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Fuel</span></span></b></td></tr>
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: left;"></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i>Step 3. Buy Fuel for The Factory; hi-po or diesel, is fine.</i></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcJnP_Y-VDwPhb9eye7rJoljxNb51rlercSOpxea-MmYQnBxpVJMu2ZJiJBc2vxNPvjjtBe-xsDWp8FTopMTWqoPzNiKLPpXc6ItHyZdZSSFPjpRFp08XKpcJIInabo2lJbrJUfHtJe6M/s1600/IMG_2249.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcJnP_Y-VDwPhb9eye7rJoljxNb51rlercSOpxea-MmYQnBxpVJMu2ZJiJBc2vxNPvjjtBe-xsDWp8FTopMTWqoPzNiKLPpXc6ItHyZdZSSFPjpRFp08XKpcJIInabo2lJbrJUfHtJe6M/s200/IMG_2249.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Step 4: Take Factory to Fuel Pump</span></i></b></span></td></tr>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Step 5. Buy The Destructor (pressure nozzle) no more than 1 ¾” in height, preferably brass. </span></i></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC8LYYP3U-MHq9x_LYaaKJxSjEAbIzTMRzdfm05SPhBGiO9d-TXF3NVfCSVDsJ_WWxOwFIhC8SRlUuMAS5YSqAmdQ7xNi5qehmzpcLu6cXdQdd-0H3asn1qpgpV9pLywHutdhUJ9d_rwg/s1600/IMG_2228.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC8LYYP3U-MHq9x_LYaaKJxSjEAbIzTMRzdfm05SPhBGiO9d-TXF3NVfCSVDsJ_WWxOwFIhC8SRlUuMAS5YSqAmdQ7xNi5qehmzpcLu6cXdQdd-0H3asn1qpgpV9pLywHutdhUJ9d_rwg/s200/IMG_2228.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Smokes added for scale</span></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2lB_uGOaR4qXzAhTthNXDxBcdXBPVIHNCzgZk0UD-mt9bOMY3EvriY-1R3ccEhovh6pmCJKmQPBR_t1jsc5ruNX-b6HYwxOIT-Od3tU5E8YJdq-xbTIZfsoEufcrlydIWJOkqKdML1Ws/s1600/IMG_2230.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2lB_uGOaR4qXzAhTthNXDxBcdXBPVIHNCzgZk0UD-mt9bOMY3EvriY-1R3ccEhovh6pmCJKmQPBR_t1jsc5ruNX-b6HYwxOIT-Od3tU5E8YJdq-xbTIZfsoEufcrlydIWJOkqKdML1Ws/s200/IMG_2230.JPG" width="150" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Made in the U.S.A. !</span></b></span></td></tr>
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</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNYJbLo3iWWcw-sxK1Y21DDs8DiKYNx5710kbUvOKTAnwXZub_D_9liHd7yxTXNF1JlBNrjvtLKXO7m-Zrx1lsweY2G6qtxCmWPvihijrRQL0jJqJmUWhB3M_opDfCOlxv5jLMH1zQpiU/s1600/IMG_2254.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNYJbLo3iWWcw-sxK1Y21DDs8DiKYNx5710kbUvOKTAnwXZub_D_9liHd7yxTXNF1JlBNrjvtLKXO7m-Zrx1lsweY2G6qtxCmWPvihijrRQL0jJqJmUWhB3M_opDfCOlxv5jLMH1zQpiU/s200/IMG_2254.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Nozzle has shut off (gooooood idea)</span></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Step 6.</span></i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Attach Destructor securely to end of water hose.</span></i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></i><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Step 7. Don appropriate attire. You shall call yourself </span></i><st2:personname><st1:title><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Dr.</span></i></st1:title><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></i><st1:sn><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Disintegrator</span></i></st1:sn></st2:personname><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">.</span></i></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijNayjoEBLNvLO5qOiZu8L8XnC_Pa5nALUwXrcBqMi_nfYTgbCgKALoY56OwfgCVBv-Sm_6ZpO9QmGIWwC6yq7yWnDPlxlx0PpGbbVDdujeux6P7VVotNi62_mtvnF9TbQWUnCqtKfXpo/s1600/IMG_2232.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijNayjoEBLNvLO5qOiZu8L8XnC_Pa5nALUwXrcBqMi_nfYTgbCgKALoY56OwfgCVBv-Sm_6ZpO9QmGIWwC6yq7yWnDPlxlx0PpGbbVDdujeux6P7VVotNi62_mtvnF9TbQWUnCqtKfXpo/s200/IMG_2232.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Appropriate attire</span></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div class="MsoNormal"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEIo0bAamA6wrF9ar-oWkNwY9hCgIKANTgcl9vGLxbBxIH1HyBcHyzLOwimMD6teQSeQthjx0pNoX1qcqAwBkfT_owHAeOShzOZOu2cXHXBvIPngQSG4uOJJpZ0rmvbNrlkcCo_nK_7Eo/s1600/IMG_2240.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEIo0bAamA6wrF9ar-oWkNwY9hCgIKANTgcl9vGLxbBxIH1HyBcHyzLOwimMD6teQSeQthjx0pNoX1qcqAwBkfT_owHAeOShzOZOu2cXHXBvIPngQSG4uOJJpZ0rmvbNrlkcCo_nK_7Eo/s200/IMG_2240.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i>Step 8. Identify Source (optional)</i></span></span></b></div></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: auto;"> </div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Step 9.</span></i><span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></i></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Locate Target</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicqfRDquKc8sA2Nwk0JYtgNEz3FTVR4d6kTDDc8jA3n9rFgW3-pyTtzLbvI37dSRyb8N5IDrpzc3LJi2CTOIB3Zd9xCVEXOP9Rhzr3zsLIXBHuukAOX-_0vr97DgUJsqoJdB2b4NKjiS4/s1600/poop+refined.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicqfRDquKc8sA2Nwk0JYtgNEz3FTVR4d6kTDDc8jA3n9rFgW3-pyTtzLbvI37dSRyb8N5IDrpzc3LJi2CTOIB3Zd9xCVEXOP9Rhzr3zsLIXBHuukAOX-_0vr97DgUJsqoJdB2b4NKjiS4/s200/poop+refined.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Intentionally altered for the queasy of stomach.</span></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqXkamugHIBiI_3SmGt_h_0IAvBTh_oF0tf9knHP32M3Sa1OBKPG24BchRfJWZHYyAGUqUcDYLDPa5O68Xx-FK_1v0Fm_nxHUET0qRAWHvyn8V90LdsaQgZBIgNYsLtZr3WgnVkgfW-FE/s1600/IMG_2253.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqXkamugHIBiI_3SmGt_h_0IAvBTh_oF0tf9knHP32M3Sa1OBKPG24BchRfJWZHYyAGUqUcDYLDPa5O68Xx-FK_1v0Fm_nxHUET0qRAWHvyn8V90LdsaQgZBIgNYsLtZr3WgnVkgfW-FE/s200/IMG_2253.JPG" width="149" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Power source</span></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13.2px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Step 10. Turn on power source - employ Destructor at full force aiming it at Target. Commence decimation.</span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Step 10a. Let your mind wander. Ignore the phone.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13.2px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Step 11. Continue to locate other Targets and disintegrate, Et Voila! Poop Soup!</span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsylpH2BZQi0z9knx72srdzBtpQO7LnvWF8f7ueqCsX4cCRNu33wRsu-FvR5V7bTvaEFu200hu-euoDR83OxgAifEyTwhyLa9bfQwJ3j4BldE6eqkM4A7czhV6hC0FLncZs4zPV_zEMyI/s1600/IMG_2252.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsylpH2BZQi0z9knx72srdzBtpQO7LnvWF8f7ueqCsX4cCRNu33wRsu-FvR5V7bTvaEFu200hu-euoDR83OxgAifEyTwhyLa9bfQwJ3j4BldE6eqkM4A7czhV6hC0FLncZs4zPV_zEMyI/s200/IMG_2252.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Interloper</span></span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13.2px;"></span><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</span></div><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">NOTE: Welcome interlopers to supply Targets, if you are running low and/or notice lawn is browning.</span></i><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiOv1uBy9M2JHZEut0jo5M0RJrzxOQMv1NqqduPtCXVesdaY78e-b-VQSU8gVP8NpSBM0lOv3_b76aUlXPXU5qa1Xg-O0iVb4tH-DMcVvNkSfwRkDNp1vXkv960F_HOZ6edVe-5WbfGdM/s1600/figs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiOv1uBy9M2JHZEut0jo5M0RJrzxOQMv1NqqduPtCXVesdaY78e-b-VQSU8gVP8NpSBM0lOv3_b76aUlXPXU5qa1Xg-O0iVb4tH-DMcVvNkSfwRkDNp1vXkv960F_HOZ6edVe-5WbfGdM/s200/figs.jpg" width="200" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">SIT DOWN and enjoy the bounty of Mother Nature (best eaten when warmed by the sun)</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">This technique to <i>heaven verdant </i>is wonderful as a punishment for the errant child. I know from experience.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am 9 years old when my mother, who was part Pit Bull, part Rott, part Shepherd all packed into a 5’4” frame and cleverly disguised as a sweet little Poodle but otherwise known as The Taskmaster, decides to get not one but TWO dogs. They are HER dogs, but my siblings and I are the designated Poop-Picker-Uppers. Decidedly an odious task, I invent </span><st2:personname><st1:title><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Dr.</span></st1:title><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span><st1:sn><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Destructo</span></st1:sn></st2:personname><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> (or </span><st2:personname><st1:title><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Dr.</span></st1:title><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span><st1:sn><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Disintegrator</span></st1:sn></st2:personname><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">). Pick up dog poop? INDEED! I devise a clever way to dispatch the offensive waste in the most expeditious way possible.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4DGngeIVcWLAygShgNwTRNQoCq9t2nB7boaoR9prUWgFSfL-7XqedN4KblT3VqfxD3UZy-orvPQbRbi7B48ABdPzy3f6xJW_VqymiEoBqykgf7eW59f1HHT4z1Ea_kcCBVyCnn3mTbis/s1600/mud.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4DGngeIVcWLAygShgNwTRNQoCq9t2nB7boaoR9prUWgFSfL-7XqedN4KblT3VqfxD3UZy-orvPQbRbi7B48ABdPzy3f6xJW_VqymiEoBqykgf7eW59f1HHT4z1Ea_kcCBVyCnn3mTbis/s1600/mud.jpg" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I set about decimating the steaming piles with the hose cranked to full blast. The spray, made harsher by my ever-numbing thumb, tears into the steaming (or sun-baked) piles, turning them to slush before my very eyes. Excitedly attacking each mound with fervor, I manage to also wash the windows (inadvertently), the neighbors’ windows (intentional), water the flowers, and make glorious mud puddles wherever grass did not grow, just waiting to be fashioned into a future home for pollywogs or tadpoles. I love mud. I am a bona fide Mud Lover.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">When The Taskmaster calls us in for dinner, I enter with ice-white, wrinkly hands, my cheeks, forehead, and shirt spattered with mud. With tennis shoes sloshing and squeaking as I take each step, I knowingly send my mother into a paroxysm of screams and yelps. My pants, now blackened up to my knees are soggy, squishy, and wet; my beloved mud helping mold them to me and impossible to strip off without help from my sister; especially when I insist upon not removing my shoes. Feeling my nose and cheeks burnt from the sun beating down upon me, I still Revel In My Cleverness, and am reminded that soon my face will result in a rash of freckles. I sigh, feeling glorious for a job well done.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8m2h06Cg02_mlRv-A8Foc4Kdu-JXRluq2peWZiyb_7rvPrZztAIDBHoHBiVwq8c7FUdpEZHBlFVhd1QwIM1taJ9a4nip73pyMArS-MbaMijLUohZoZ0jxyImChgOs04mEjVWjfYR5qc0/s1600/fishsticks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8m2h06Cg02_mlRv-A8Foc4Kdu-JXRluq2peWZiyb_7rvPrZztAIDBHoHBiVwq8c7FUdpEZHBlFVhd1QwIM1taJ9a4nip73pyMArS-MbaMijLUohZoZ0jxyImChgOs04mEjVWjfYR5qc0/s200/fishsticks.jpg" width="144" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The only thing ruining my euphoria is the sudden realization that it is Friday. In my Catholic household, that means Tuna Fish Casserole-- my bane. I say </span><st1:givenname><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Grace</span></st1:givenname><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">, which prayer includes a plea for grilled cheese sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, or pancakes for dinner. Oh, it's Fishsticks! I can choke down fishsticks (pass the catsup)! My mother is PERSONALLY responsible for the wealth and girth of the Armenians. Yes, never a meal passed without my mother saying, "Think of all the poor, starving Armenians." Which is probably another reason why I'm fat today.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">While under the watchful eye of our mother, my Adoring Fans (aka The Factories), sit at my feet, waiting patiently under the table for the fishsticks (those would be the fishsticks I can’t hide in my napkin. The Factories know it is Friday, too, their favorite day of the week.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I've just been thinking........</span></div><br />
</span></span></div>Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-88941773450115211492010-10-11T21:33:00.000-07:002010-10-11T21:33:05.217-07:00SIGNS YOU MAY BE RECOVERING FROM MAFIA WARS FEVER<b>Check for these Symptom</b><b>s:</b><div><b></b><b><br />
</b><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzQ49g0jbVd5d1-3fBgJjZ3bwVAzPhTqvVSSfqhxElsIsIWNFCvjqecr6Yveb2bxxS-AtIUB69C_vF_vctco42NnRKLMYWEfxXyp5DVh3eRby4Z5MT6aRgqs8YZE0dyR3z6CcSl9mC96g/s1600/SMELLY.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzQ49g0jbVd5d1-3fBgJjZ3bwVAzPhTqvVSSfqhxElsIsIWNFCvjqecr6Yveb2bxxS-AtIUB69C_vF_vctco42NnRKLMYWEfxXyp5DVh3eRby4Z5MT6aRgqs8YZE0dyR3z6CcSl9mC96g/s1600/SMELLY.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Whaddya mean, I'm RIPE?!</span></span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipJ0NShkGkx1VlaAWCAw21E_MTL8uTby0nytW-nDbykgJxR13f96tLmSIzpJYWXFndfM6ULWR2yqZ_juNGQUxdc7A8Exc9gXe4RbOzmQ3iXm61DoHgG1bNVB_mPDv0dDLofFpNPelKRzE/s1600/youself.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="111" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipJ0NShkGkx1VlaAWCAw21E_MTL8uTby0nytW-nDbykgJxR13f96tLmSIzpJYWXFndfM6ULWR2yqZ_juNGQUxdc7A8Exc9gXe4RbOzmQ3iXm61DoHgG1bNVB_mPDv0dDLofFpNPelKRzE/s200/youself.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">You walk by a mirror and see this</span></span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div>You shower and brush your teeth.<br />
<br />
You change your underwear even if you don’t shower.<br />
<br />
You don’t run out of cigarettes because you are no longer chain smoking.</div><div><br />
</div><div>You stop scanning your email for Zynga gifts before you read everything else.</div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimzAVEVcGlTe4dU170VCCXDeoUHw7LNnYOd9FluBGdIbxevQVJozRVFmCKW96CmaBOM71jZPk5NcGDtZLm1aO4LUbHWfG2ib9HGiSKL9m4KBoVs7cMj0Rl62pFR_x7JYNXdzUaP5IFImM/s1600/MONEY.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimzAVEVcGlTe4dU170VCCXDeoUHw7LNnYOd9FluBGdIbxevQVJozRVFmCKW96CmaBOM71jZPk5NcGDtZLm1aO4LUbHWfG2ib9HGiSKL9m4KBoVs7cMj0Rl62pFR_x7JYNXdzUaP5IFImM/s200/MONEY.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I'm ROLLING in it!</span></span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
You are no longer afraid to log out for fear of being snuffed ...on top of that, you have so much money in all your accounts you could be offline for days and never go bankrupt. </div><div><br />
</div><div><div style="text-align: left;"></div></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS96Wf9zxC_IBmOp5SI5fxsYRT9KL7TZA3p6DrRVov_PwOkTXZT-H0h622f-WVAc-AYfD00uq1ucHrLhwQHeMJaWKNYKrZXN2G3IubSabuk_4-R15Z2t-Yc0Ck3OFWZlnmXj8Oiyau2ZU/s1600/sleep.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS96Wf9zxC_IBmOp5SI5fxsYRT9KL7TZA3p6DrRVov_PwOkTXZT-H0h622f-WVAc-AYfD00uq1ucHrLhwQHeMJaWKNYKrZXN2G3IubSabuk_4-R15Z2t-Yc0Ck3OFWZlnmXj8Oiyau2ZU/s200/sleep.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Zzzzzzzzz</span></span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>You go to bed at <st1:time hour="23" minute="0">11:00 p.m.</st1:time>, not <st1:time hour="4" minute="0">4:00 a.m. and </st1:time>stop setting the clock to collect on your properties for fear of being robbed.</div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div>There’s nothing left to slam Zynga about and even if there is, frankly, they don’t give a rat’s ass about it and ultimately, neither do you.</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTAYO5PQgFxqVahWrcPuEhzM7I_x0GGepMDIVHXn6eU9GYSCfBwIq6zy2VvoQ7olPIvdI7HFaUmQXd9DiF_lqGi3gATc78X1MUuhHAyGbrvde9LcT8eVI_sIAQ3hIkDpKANYsQa-uDTWk/s1600/superman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTAYO5PQgFxqVahWrcPuEhzM7I_x0GGepMDIVHXn6eU9GYSCfBwIq6zy2VvoQ7olPIvdI7HFaUmQXd9DiF_lqGi3gATc78X1MUuhHAyGbrvde9LcT8eVI_sIAQ3hIkDpKANYsQa-uDTWk/s200/superman.jpg" width="164" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Take your best shot!</span></span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div>You stop sending gifts posting tiny urls instead.</div><div><br />
</div><div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; color: black;">You’ve found so many shortcuts you could gift away half your inventory and STILL kick ass.</span></div><div><br />
</div><div>The bot attackers make you yawn and you don’t even bother asking your mafia to attack them anymore.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Your missions expire and you don’t give a crap.</div><div><br />
</div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwuAIbOC4G1-XqC0SC-QY7T71I3NYOGJ-RCIAa_PWPy61H2vV5xfKQhSOQMWFKDrz5KYPGIQV5z_3zicgijGKLLSkJ7QMVy6b3BIswbXubG21R6a_iX8DMYUmRSBPoSGp7wX0QTGbqAjQ/s1600/SLOTS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwuAIbOC4G1-XqC0SC-QY7T71I3NYOGJ-RCIAa_PWPy61H2vV5xfKQhSOQMWFKDrz5KYPGIQV5z_3zicgijGKLLSkJ7QMVy6b3BIswbXubG21R6a_iX8DMYUmRSBPoSGp7wX0QTGbqAjQ/s200/SLOTS.jpg" width="200" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; color: black;">You hit people’s slot machines even though you ran out of free spins and start dipping into your own account to play them… then you start sending your family energy packs one after another after another after another ad nauseum.</span></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzY3UIfggnKqOCcyFTKqHALlEgOF8qtMK_0CSmcZoF8Vi-UvTm6Q1W3kCFdAH1vonTl_YJHsZnGhnJNXUsbGB4O_nMb2FYGNnVvrDcNhRzvPEvlzFKXqieTHiskD8VRkBD1CBTi6mvQJg/s1600/bonding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzY3UIfggnKqOCcyFTKqHALlEgOF8qtMK_0CSmcZoF8Vi-UvTm6Q1W3kCFdAH1vonTl_YJHsZnGhnJNXUsbGB4O_nMb2FYGNnVvrDcNhRzvPEvlzFKXqieTHiskD8VRkBD1CBTi6mvQJg/s200/bonding.jpg" width="145" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Awwwww, miss me?</span></span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div><br />
</div><div>You rediscover your pets, plants, children, friends, and spouses -- going to great lengths to resurrect them and the relationships you once shared.<br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div>You remember somebody's birthday (unfortunately, you recall it was right when they introduced <st1:city><st1:place>Bangkok</st1:place></st1:city>).<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div></div><div>You post things on FB that have NOTHING to do with MW and you answer the comments!</div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBuzGtrgUixBryTOxHemRF_GqXnelaUB5bb7SswBPf-oPppp9VMZ32v3_j_DQEkHGbysWNboWouSUuHD5IeJ6MkRLR8n3lG4Ybox4c-lDWNmTmDDBm_3jnBLWhe_4ruGTfILMF_RDbMMM/s200/tv.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="200" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">FRINGE! HAVEN! SYFY!</span></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div>You discover the season premieres on TV; you stop setting the recorder for shows because you actually watch them before the recorder is full and stops recording them anyway.</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNtXPxRRSaoQd8Zdz5CbvuLONCovmcP8WkJP0yPvpT9GgTwFjSHJ_GZFlxqvSY8ajATstGmPkEy9-nVW7d5FcGtRpsTZ9Ar_h_DvJrjgrESysYCqLyo_vpEX1Hyfxe5gIcOCQawhaz8r8/s1600/FAT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNtXPxRRSaoQd8Zdz5CbvuLONCovmcP8WkJP0yPvpT9GgTwFjSHJ_GZFlxqvSY8ajATstGmPkEy9-nVW7d5FcGtRpsTZ9Ar_h_DvJrjgrESysYCqLyo_vpEX1Hyfxe5gIcOCQawhaz8r8/s200/FAT.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Whooooops!</span></span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div>You realize you’ve been playing in your sweats, underwear, or jammies for so long that when you get dressed to finally leave the house, you find that your jeans don’t fit anymore because your ass got so fat sitting in front of the monitor.<br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiocQE6b4xa5m8RiX7AO26aQMdD9SgvEdynfYDpKN9mKX2eFrsWhjxwox9zaJkcZnEoboV9Eal6EEO7jLkEFzeiAo4hmgY8HGCasFn33ETEiptoacCITiorUHWDuNwUnPW22EhCyf_E_-4/s1600/repo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="162" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiocQE6b4xa5m8RiX7AO26aQMdD9SgvEdynfYDpKN9mKX2eFrsWhjxwox9zaJkcZnEoboV9Eal6EEO7jLkEFzeiAo4hmgY8HGCasFn33ETEiptoacCITiorUHWDuNwUnPW22EhCyf_E_-4/s200/repo.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Goodbye, Old Paint</span></span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div><br />
</div><div>You start caring that your house is in foreclosure. You finally open all your mail and find out your car was repossessed (you never bothered to look out the window).</div><div><br />
</div><div>When you DO go outside, (to also buy hair dye) you have to wear sunglasses and sun block with <st1:stockticker>SPF</st1:stockticker> 5000 for a MONTH.</div><div><div style="text-align: left;"></div></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 6px; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 11px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #0b5394;">You start a blog and look for a </span></span></b></span><st1:stockticker><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #0b5394;">JOB</span></span></b></st1:stockticker><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #0b5394;">.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #0b5394;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b><br />
</b></span></span></span></span></span></span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlq562iHY2SZttpvFjMIexNj11p3gmdDhsI6PLX-_zt3-gD8TtNLANst1CPsDQt2MlfVrPnvz6EPHowgMFSp0UggsGOZQtPPx2CjI9c4dDBnF-ksrAV6dbOu2TYeRA_uw9_JP8_okV8mI/s1600/nurse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlq562iHY2SZttpvFjMIexNj11p3gmdDhsI6PLX-_zt3-gD8TtNLANst1CPsDQt2MlfVrPnvz6EPHowgMFSp0UggsGOZQtPPx2CjI9c4dDBnF-ksrAV6dbOu2TYeRA_uw9_JP8_okV8mI/s1600/nurse.jpg" /></a></div><div>DISCLAIMER: Contents such as text, graphics, images, information regarding your condition are for informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. </div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
<div><ul><div style="text-align: left;"></div></ul><ul><li>Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your symptoms including, but not limited to, <i>withdrawals, weight gain, weight loss, loss of consortium, loss of affection, headaches, nausea, constipation, failure to pay child or spousal support, diarrhea, liver failure, kidney failure, detached retina, macular degeneration, divorce, palsy, punitive damages and/or alienation of affection, stubbed toes, festered fingers, feminine odor, incontinence, erectile dysfunction, OCD, ADD, or M-O-U-S-E.</i></li>
</ul><ul><li>By no means, disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read regarding the above-listed symptoms. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. </li>
</ul><ul><li>Continue playing MW solely at your own risk.</li>
</ul><br />
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1"></ol><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div></div></div></div>Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-52077370253727323092010-10-10T15:31:00.001-07:002010-10-10T15:31:55.581-07:00PET ETIQUETTE<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><u><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">PET ETIQUETTE </span></b></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I’ve been thinking…</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Do not believe there is such a thing as Pet Etiquette. My animals are SO disrespectful of me it is a disgrace.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfeyWA9DrHPV7WW715E9yl1ORXk8hdtpxfQMouZVoEDzUBFgo1tj3eam8AS0W_LBeFUQSFideQduF_c6AZulXOs3Rc63t8J0wmBw8wAGQ45o-Y3azlq6L9tdvoigLBSPdpMx9ipiibBlk/s1600/SB_41361643.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfeyWA9DrHPV7WW715E9yl1ORXk8hdtpxfQMouZVoEDzUBFgo1tj3eam8AS0W_LBeFUQSFideQduF_c6AZulXOs3Rc63t8J0wmBw8wAGQ45o-Y3azlq6L9tdvoigLBSPdpMx9ipiibBlk/s200/SB_41361643.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">I'm coming back as one of my cats!</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">They live in the lap of luxury, homemade cozies in which to snuggle, real feather beds, fresh wet and dry food daily, together with spanking new water. The dogs get a chewy treat whenever I leave the house (it’s a guilt-thing). The birds receive scrambled eggs twice weekly with a touch of newly grated TILLA-FREAKING-MOOK cheddar cheese and top of the line birdseed (not pellets, mind you), <st1:stockticker>PLUS</st1:stockticker> millet sticks! The fish get not only vitamin-enriched flakes but also an algae tablet once a day. The whole menagerie wants for naught. Attention is freely given; the dogs the demanding ones; the cats of the “When I want you to pet me, I’ll let you know” persuasion. </div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhgN5UiDedafh8O3qEy3j025CJRTS2X1BaWzsXr9BsYo1_geZGFfN2JR5uhc7ZL7CfDu6q7wNv8NGqrM6n8ga_TJ9k58shsahrJ8KXA8AQ7-7zJujrJNscb7Re86J4AkEyH8l-mhmvlEk/s1600/Copy+of+poly+2008+catalog+pix+summer+art_knitting_+july+12+norwood+054.jpg.310589392.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhgN5UiDedafh8O3qEy3j025CJRTS2X1BaWzsXr9BsYo1_geZGFfN2JR5uhc7ZL7CfDu6q7wNv8NGqrM6n8ga_TJ9k58shsahrJ8KXA8AQ7-7zJujrJNscb7Re86J4AkEyH8l-mhmvlEk/s1600/Copy+of+poly+2008+catalog+pix+summer+art_knitting_+july+12+norwood+054.jpg.310589392.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Frolic Area</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal">They are all (excepting fish, of course) allowed to go outside and frolic after the sun has risen and are collected before sunset so they don’t become fodder for the wildlife.</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0oPCtHmEi3ee7eyt_PNFJ5w6W984LCg8E4Ah6GBOBMozEzMzlG6_FENTgVNqCF6jqX60jHpaQIhGYyNwlGfJr_QnUncEl8fQwurDzTJZVCT3N66xG-GVrO7MSa1veIXvZLN10MGqHwJk/s1600/cat+butt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0oPCtHmEi3ee7eyt_PNFJ5w6W984LCg8E4Ah6GBOBMozEzMzlG6_FENTgVNqCF6jqX60jHpaQIhGYyNwlGfJr_QnUncEl8fQwurDzTJZVCT3N66xG-GVrO7MSa1veIXvZLN10MGqHwJk/s1600/cat+butt.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Cats consider this provocative</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p><br />
<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p><br />
<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p>The birds and fish never sashay by offering me a peek at their rosebuds, THANK GOD!</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">So, I ask you, WHY would these spoiled rotten MISCREANTS treat me with such disdain?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I have NEVER puked on any cat’s bed. It would NEVER occur to me to vomit where someone might put his or her head or any other body part, for that matter. ESPECIALLY leaving it cleverly concealed so it would be discovered <st1:stockticker>JUST</st1:stockticker> before bedtime.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiGUzKSwwcnymaVr-520rED8idXCl9ADaV0IE51H6I9Ztlf1LLMVlEfRFQk7mLLhjqexfEbABSCl0OsVrua2opjhJu2B4NTWiMck4qSkJHLvdudGY1koXpY3vsG_HD5aMqDGq9tJG_oCw/s1600/DECEMBER+2009+140.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiGUzKSwwcnymaVr-520rED8idXCl9ADaV0IE51H6I9Ztlf1LLMVlEfRFQk7mLLhjqexfEbABSCl0OsVrua2opjhJu2B4NTWiMck4qSkJHLvdudGY1koXpY3vsG_HD5aMqDGq9tJG_oCw/s200/DECEMBER+2009+140.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Puke Perp</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">I have the Puke Perp, the Poop Perp, the Pee Perp and, on occasion, the Chew-It-Up Perp. In the words of <st1:personname><st2:givenname>Nancy</st2:givenname> <st2:sn>Kerrigan</st2:sn></st1:personname>: “Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy!”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I HAD nice linens, nice shoes, nice Bluetooths (would that make them BlueTEETH?), nice underwear, nice curtains. I had to give up wall-to-wall carpeting; that was just a lovely dream of yesteryear. I cannot leave a box open anywhere for fear it will somehow flash a great neon sign that just SCREAMS: PEE IN HERE! POOP IN HERE! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn3fcIr-CZGeGxT2xFd_lbTUiExQeETfmsm3d0WKsGUQiNuGkJkmQ2hMIKMBCiI1sIIUMmaJOVN1ydU11njGcznQPUTwLQehry9JrGiPobzG1fAAxfaeynIUoMo6EzERFIXUc_ndltIUw/s1600/chair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn3fcIr-CZGeGxT2xFd_lbTUiExQeETfmsm3d0WKsGUQiNuGkJkmQ2hMIKMBCiI1sIIUMmaJOVN1ydU11njGcznQPUTwLQehry9JrGiPobzG1fAAxfaeynIUoMo6EzERFIXUc_ndltIUw/s200/chair.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Goodbye couch</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">What was a couch with cushions now resembles a giant shredded wheat biscuit. If I go to bed with my hair loose, I wake up with it matted to the scalp because some cat decides to make bread dough out of my hair, purring and drooling all the while. Oftimes, I look like a Medusa in the morning.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR9bgX8AT2Wo1-q8w_BozAd1sYA9zR4LtgXPyESnpJAus1N-AhtyGu2v3n0ufUYKMdN1IHcuB9b8h32hp_qLZue7hErFehIfDiTi4di9IQv7HLaTIxjI5O7BzbKuKdzsIZQlkuWAEuRDE/s1600/stinky.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR9bgX8AT2Wo1-q8w_BozAd1sYA9zR4LtgXPyESnpJAus1N-AhtyGu2v3n0ufUYKMdN1IHcuB9b8h32hp_qLZue7hErFehIfDiTi4di9IQv7HLaTIxjI5O7BzbKuKdzsIZQlkuWAEuRDE/s1600/stinky.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Phew!</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">I have to slather myself with perfume BEFORE <st1:stockticker>BED</st1:stockticker> because it has become the ONLY EFFECTIVE treatment against fleas. Yep: truly. My pets snuggle up against me and are flea-free!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">There is no one to call, “Hello, Owner Abuse Hotline? My cat just ralphed all over my bed…it’s on my pillow, overrunning the side of the bed, on the quilt, on the floor, it’s everywhere! I need an intervention!” To the cats, I say, "Look, if you don’t LIKE it don’t <st1:stockticker>EAT</st1:stockticker> it! Don’t scarf it down and then chuck it back up to the delight of the drooling dogs, damn it!”</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUS0EsMkHmkQXuHAYrtCCKhzMkICyvfVvzuiNV4bjr2PJycG40rLGr11zmiUAiSw9OYSZnzeVlt7qpBJ7LH9icNgDu4Yg3hgdbO4QmI8yxt5fO2T6urvnMTgN69e97dvDFxdlVKDy6UNk/s1600/SB_107674718.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUS0EsMkHmkQXuHAYrtCCKhzMkICyvfVvzuiNV4bjr2PJycG40rLGr11zmiUAiSw9OYSZnzeVlt7qpBJ7LH9icNgDu4Yg3hgdbO4QmI8yxt5fO2T6urvnMTgN69e97dvDFxdlVKDy6UNk/s200/SB_107674718.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Pee Perp</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I believe DROP KICK may have once been a sports term. I think it mainstreamed because husbands adopted it to fit what should be done to misbehaving cats. There is also the “throw it against the wall and it won’t do THAT anymore”. GROAN. I heard it growing up, I heard it from ex-husbands, I hear it everywhere but never more than when the topic turns to pets in mixed company.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjybaRPcutKdwdUeskGsdmyAXTHMAaqVTYTmMUFtJ-lhURi6Z5ZF71oaxnz8frcriqtc3bE1dg2gnaxNPqUGxywRoR1quNZnsOFjbylYKOgX-vIHODys9BbSoCVC6htO-yk0OJ94Ve-64E/s1600/my+future+dog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjybaRPcutKdwdUeskGsdmyAXTHMAaqVTYTmMUFtJ-lhURi6Z5ZF71oaxnz8frcriqtc3bE1dg2gnaxNPqUGxywRoR1quNZnsOFjbylYKOgX-vIHODys9BbSoCVC6htO-yk0OJ94Ve-64E/s1600/my+future+dog.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">My next dog</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_zwt3Fov9oYvwoQYFWFTBlhwZVXp8P5WR9ZdAjjqCmBhz1juGRUdp3ITZTVtd9WobNZU8vf4jWS9F0vFNE3tZDdK7X1kBkoLfLSOjz5vO4lDIoD1FIgFLBPgHm41Cfaa2esBltbgZ_q0/s1600/November+14+07+Whosis+&+Whatsis+Fernicola+003.jpg.161320508.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_zwt3Fov9oYvwoQYFWFTBlhwZVXp8P5WR9ZdAjjqCmBhz1juGRUdp3ITZTVtd9WobNZU8vf4jWS9F0vFNE3tZDdK7X1kBkoLfLSOjz5vO4lDIoD1FIgFLBPgHm41Cfaa2esBltbgZ_q0/s1600/November+14+07+Whosis+&+Whatsis+Fernicola+003.jpg.161320508.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Poop Perps</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">What would possess a dog (or dogs) to defecate and urinate on the floor when the door to the outside is OPEN? It’s like having a colostomy bag right there! Where is the common sense? It’s Owner Disrespect, I tell you.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Cat box: Pooping on the FLOOR right <st1:stockticker>NEXT</st1:stockticker> to the cat box is <st1:stockticker>PURE</st1:stockticker> SPITE. I really need to stop doing that, but I’m trying to make a point.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHHObMzhNcYDN4pidyWUCXZ2a6d-C5fgOUcLFgU5uPrJPgRzCUqvKuJcxuNuIJBu5p4S1j39pFfWmrHALbXvu3JOnk3UOm_X9Y_PyENyZr6JoyJnh1wwffwNBHsqWCMzuwOjzpsRASBxA/s1600/other+random+november+pix+2005+002.jpg.605456072.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHHObMzhNcYDN4pidyWUCXZ2a6d-C5fgOUcLFgU5uPrJPgRzCUqvKuJcxuNuIJBu5p4S1j39pFfWmrHALbXvu3JOnk3UOm_X9Y_PyENyZr6JoyJnh1wwffwNBHsqWCMzuwOjzpsRASBxA/s1600/other+random+november+pix+2005+002.jpg.605456072.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">The Fraidy Cat in younger days</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">I live with fraidy cats and pussy dogs: in the middle of the night, when all is quiet, dark, and spooky I’m jolted awake by 7 tense, trembling bodies whose heads are all turned in the same direction looking wide-eyed at the door. Not one stirs but I notice their fur is stuck out in all directions. Gee, I feel comforted, especially when two of these seven are DOGS. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuv9R7oXp7uPIHgJTTPyBEUYyh1OmzX6Kej3PqbA57Cm2YGjKIjC6IhUAblayzXkWxa-AaOQT0qpkfbVWM8PlXtmo4fUoGMTSaUHMX8gWN8b7lVXQY3tlvwAUMoRHw9n5yFcEruS-lsBM/s1600/cat+vomit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuv9R7oXp7uPIHgJTTPyBEUYyh1OmzX6Kej3PqbA57Cm2YGjKIjC6IhUAblayzXkWxa-AaOQT0qpkfbVWM8PlXtmo4fUoGMTSaUHMX8gWN8b7lVXQY3tlvwAUMoRHw9n5yFcEruS-lsBM/s200/cat+vomit.jpg" width="137" /></a>I wait. They wait. I wait. They win. “What, I’M supposed to be the one to go see what’s out in the other room IN THE DARK waiting to peel the skin off my bones?” Sigh. I get my pliers from the drawer next to the bed. I keep them there just in case an intruder will stand still long enough for me to pinch off his nose. I creep out slowly, each step as silent as the next, carefully avoiding the pee puddles, poop piles and vomitous masses. Stealthily, I approach the living room, my heart pounding out more loudly than Big Ben. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSh5_o9DFkv-eP2LpqNIMVAMMu4HmH3bfgaaeznssF5Sk3spNpUQA_vaTrCdWDfEGjATc-9l_JMQC5uwn8_kZaYmcjCBQW1gXeb5s4Cd6d1Z0O1o2tRrszbIFfQNTqV-aAvxdbvTCHMp0/s1600/SB_7828306.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSh5_o9DFkv-eP2LpqNIMVAMMu4HmH3bfgaaeznssF5Sk3spNpUQA_vaTrCdWDfEGjATc-9l_JMQC5uwn8_kZaYmcjCBQW1gXeb5s4Cd6d1Z0O1o2tRrszbIFfQNTqV-aAvxdbvTCHMp0/s200/SB_7828306.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Buddy</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">One of the birds had a nightmare and fell off his perch plummeting to the bottom of the cage. So much for the intruder who luckily avoided the Dreaded Nose Pinching by Pliers. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">By the way, since that episode and moving to a new neighborhood, I have given up my weapon of choice, The Lethal Pliers, in favor of a Craftsman 3/4 inch Drive Quick Release Ratchet. I think it might do more damage.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgznULLy2ij6wpgP0S-ZDrCfmDa7wF0ZWV9WG-CprQq2xQdZKQjEa4DOq4OxxUwVBaXvv89vZl6F-_KB2u89kmMEAdixfdFsVmuP30kMXfuWBw7vymk3R8iqmFeF8ZJww6E8T4af45M7m8/s1600/army+o+ants.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="92" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgznULLy2ij6wpgP0S-ZDrCfmDa7wF0ZWV9WG-CprQq2xQdZKQjEa4DOq4OxxUwVBaXvv89vZl6F-_KB2u89kmMEAdixfdFsVmuP30kMXfuWBw7vymk3R8iqmFeF8ZJww6E8T4af45M7m8/s200/army+o+ants.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">Finally, while I’m on the subject of interlopers, who told ants they could come into my house and steal my food? I don’t go traipsing around in their anthills or ant farms gobbling up their grub! My cat dish and kitchen counters look like Doodle Bugs! Ants are nothing more than unscrupulous thieves. If I get another pet, it will be an aardvark. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">With my luck, he won't like ants!</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZl6mJLA15Ao3pqF8EsL2R8jQytzU-uragceOR9wfKds7RWlYD3yRdxDt5FXWmx7ROqAqaW3z832iXWf0xme5xRZfGfqiqUWkb5Hn_cLltANLsWtfmtdq5uBTxoJ_M07esgV0-03fydZU/s1600/veggie+aardvark.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZl6mJLA15Ao3pqF8EsL2R8jQytzU-uragceOR9wfKds7RWlYD3yRdxDt5FXWmx7ROqAqaW3z832iXWf0xme5xRZfGfqiqUWkb5Hn_cLltANLsWtfmtdq5uBTxoJ_M07esgV0-03fydZU/s200/veggie+aardvark.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Hello! ANThony's Pizza? Yes, I'd like a large veggie, please!</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Tune in next week if you want to know what</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I've been thinking...</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><br />
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<td class="xl24" height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; width: 104pt;" width="138"><br />
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If you think of it next time you're out, pick up a copy of James Herriot's, <u>All Creatures Great and Small. </u></td>Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-291687521567414245.post-44463045857841734302010-10-10T15:23:00.001-07:002011-01-11T20:23:39.867-08:00PET ETIQUETTE<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><u><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">PET ETIQUETTE </span></b></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I’ve been thinking…</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Do not believe there is such a thing as Pet Etiquette. My animals are SO disrespectful of me it is a disgrace.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfeyWA9DrHPV7WW715E9yl1ORXk8hdtpxfQMouZVoEDzUBFgo1tj3eam8AS0W_LBeFUQSFideQduF_c6AZulXOs3Rc63t8J0wmBw8wAGQ45o-Y3azlq6L9tdvoigLBSPdpMx9ipiibBlk/s1600/SB_41361643.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfeyWA9DrHPV7WW715E9yl1ORXk8hdtpxfQMouZVoEDzUBFgo1tj3eam8AS0W_LBeFUQSFideQduF_c6AZulXOs3Rc63t8J0wmBw8wAGQ45o-Y3azlq6L9tdvoigLBSPdpMx9ipiibBlk/s200/SB_41361643.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">I'm coming back as one of my cats!</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">They live in the lap of luxury, homemade cozies in which to snuggle, real feather beds, fresh wet and dry food daily, together with spanking new water. The dogs get a chewy treat whenever I leave the house (it’s a guilt-thing). The birds receive scrambled eggs twice weekly with a touch of newly grated TILLA-FREAKING-MOOK cheddar cheese and top of the line birdseed (not pellets, mind you), <st1:stockticker>PLUS</st1:stockticker> millet sticks! The fish get not only vitamin-enriched flakes but also an algae tablet once a day. The whole menagerie wants for naught. Attention is freely given; the dogs the demanding ones; the cats of the “When I want you to pet me, I’ll let you know” persuasion. </div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhgN5UiDedafh8O3qEy3j025CJRTS2X1BaWzsXr9BsYo1_geZGFfN2JR5uhc7ZL7CfDu6q7wNv8NGqrM6n8ga_TJ9k58shsahrJ8KXA8AQ7-7zJujrJNscb7Re86J4AkEyH8l-mhmvlEk/s1600/Copy+of+poly+2008+catalog+pix+summer+art_knitting_+july+12+norwood+054.jpg.310589392.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhgN5UiDedafh8O3qEy3j025CJRTS2X1BaWzsXr9BsYo1_geZGFfN2JR5uhc7ZL7CfDu6q7wNv8NGqrM6n8ga_TJ9k58shsahrJ8KXA8AQ7-7zJujrJNscb7Re86J4AkEyH8l-mhmvlEk/s1600/Copy+of+poly+2008+catalog+pix+summer+art_knitting_+july+12+norwood+054.jpg.310589392.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Frolic Area</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal">They are all (excepting fish, of course) allowed to go outside and frolic after the sun has risen and are collected before sunset so they don’t become fodder for the wildlife.</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0oPCtHmEi3ee7eyt_PNFJ5w6W984LCg8E4Ah6GBOBMozEzMzlG6_FENTgVNqCF6jqX60jHpaQIhGYyNwlGfJr_QnUncEl8fQwurDzTJZVCT3N66xG-GVrO7MSa1veIXvZLN10MGqHwJk/s1600/cat+butt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0oPCtHmEi3ee7eyt_PNFJ5w6W984LCg8E4Ah6GBOBMozEzMzlG6_FENTgVNqCF6jqX60jHpaQIhGYyNwlGfJr_QnUncEl8fQwurDzTJZVCT3N66xG-GVrO7MSa1veIXvZLN10MGqHwJk/s1600/cat+butt.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Cats consider this provocative</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p><br />
<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p><br />
<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p>The birds and fish never sashay by offering me a peek at their rosebuds, THANK GOD!</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">So, I ask you, WHY would these spoiled rotten MISCREANTS treat me with such disdain?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I have NEVER puked on any cat’s bed. It would NEVER occur to me to vomit where someone might put his or her head or any other body part, for that matter. ESPECIALLY leaving it cleverly concealed so it would be discovered <st1:stockticker>JUST</st1:stockticker> before bedtime.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiGUzKSwwcnymaVr-520rED8idXCl9ADaV0IE51H6I9Ztlf1LLMVlEfRFQk7mLLhjqexfEbABSCl0OsVrua2opjhJu2B4NTWiMck4qSkJHLvdudGY1koXpY3vsG_HD5aMqDGq9tJG_oCw/s1600/DECEMBER+2009+140.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiGUzKSwwcnymaVr-520rED8idXCl9ADaV0IE51H6I9Ztlf1LLMVlEfRFQk7mLLhjqexfEbABSCl0OsVrua2opjhJu2B4NTWiMck4qSkJHLvdudGY1koXpY3vsG_HD5aMqDGq9tJG_oCw/s200/DECEMBER+2009+140.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Puke Perp</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">I have the Puke Perp, the Poop Perp, the Pee Perp and, on occasion, the Chew-It-Up Perp. In the words of <st1:personname><st2:givenname>Nancy</st2:givenname> <st2:sn>Kerrigan</st2:sn></st1:personname>: “Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy!”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I HAD nice linens, nice shoes, nice Bluetooths (would that make them BlueTEETH?), nice underwear, nice curtains. I had to give up wall-to-wall carpeting; that was just a lovely dream of yesteryear. I cannot leave a box open anywhere for fear it will somehow flash a great neon sign that just SCREAMS: PEE IN HERE! POOP IN HERE! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn3fcIr-CZGeGxT2xFd_lbTUiExQeETfmsm3d0WKsGUQiNuGkJkmQ2hMIKMBCiI1sIIUMmaJOVN1ydU11njGcznQPUTwLQehry9JrGiPobzG1fAAxfaeynIUoMo6EzERFIXUc_ndltIUw/s1600/chair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn3fcIr-CZGeGxT2xFd_lbTUiExQeETfmsm3d0WKsGUQiNuGkJkmQ2hMIKMBCiI1sIIUMmaJOVN1ydU11njGcznQPUTwLQehry9JrGiPobzG1fAAxfaeynIUoMo6EzERFIXUc_ndltIUw/s200/chair.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Goodbye couch</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">What was a couch with cushions now resembles a giant shredded wheat biscuit. If I go to bed with my hair loose, I wake up with it matted to the scalp because some cat decides to make bread dough out of my hair, purring and drooling all the while. Oftimes, I look like a Medusa in the morning.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR9bgX8AT2Wo1-q8w_BozAd1sYA9zR4LtgXPyESnpJAus1N-AhtyGu2v3n0ufUYKMdN1IHcuB9b8h32hp_qLZue7hErFehIfDiTi4di9IQv7HLaTIxjI5O7BzbKuKdzsIZQlkuWAEuRDE/s1600/stinky.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR9bgX8AT2Wo1-q8w_BozAd1sYA9zR4LtgXPyESnpJAus1N-AhtyGu2v3n0ufUYKMdN1IHcuB9b8h32hp_qLZue7hErFehIfDiTi4di9IQv7HLaTIxjI5O7BzbKuKdzsIZQlkuWAEuRDE/s1600/stinky.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Phew!</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">I have to slather myself with perfume BEFORE <st1:stockticker>BED</st1:stockticker> because it has become the ONLY EFFECTIVE treatment against fleas. Yep: truly. My pets snuggle up against me and are flea-free!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">There is no one to call, “Hello, Owner Abuse Hotline? My cat just ralphed all over my bed…it’s on my pillow, overrunning the side of the bed, on the quilt, on the floor, it’s everywhere! I need an intervention!” To the cats, I say, "Look, if you don’t LIKE it don’t <st1:stockticker>EAT</st1:stockticker> it! Don’t scarf it down and then chuck it back up to the delight of the drooling dogs, damn it!”</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUS0EsMkHmkQXuHAYrtCCKhzMkICyvfVvzuiNV4bjr2PJycG40rLGr11zmiUAiSw9OYSZnzeVlt7qpBJ7LH9icNgDu4Yg3hgdbO4QmI8yxt5fO2T6urvnMTgN69e97dvDFxdlVKDy6UNk/s1600/SB_107674718.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUS0EsMkHmkQXuHAYrtCCKhzMkICyvfVvzuiNV4bjr2PJycG40rLGr11zmiUAiSw9OYSZnzeVlt7qpBJ7LH9icNgDu4Yg3hgdbO4QmI8yxt5fO2T6urvnMTgN69e97dvDFxdlVKDy6UNk/s200/SB_107674718.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Pee Perp</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I believe DROP KICK may have once been a sports term. I think it mainstreamed because husbands adopted it to fit what should be done to misbehaving cats. There is also the “throw it against the wall and it won’t do THAT anymore”. GROAN. I heard it growing up, I heard it from ex-husbands, I hear it everywhere but never more than when the topic turns to pets in mixed company.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjybaRPcutKdwdUeskGsdmyAXTHMAaqVTYTmMUFtJ-lhURi6Z5ZF71oaxnz8frcriqtc3bE1dg2gnaxNPqUGxywRoR1quNZnsOFjbylYKOgX-vIHODys9BbSoCVC6htO-yk0OJ94Ve-64E/s1600/my+future+dog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjybaRPcutKdwdUeskGsdmyAXTHMAaqVTYTmMUFtJ-lhURi6Z5ZF71oaxnz8frcriqtc3bE1dg2gnaxNPqUGxywRoR1quNZnsOFjbylYKOgX-vIHODys9BbSoCVC6htO-yk0OJ94Ve-64E/s1600/my+future+dog.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">My next dog</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_zwt3Fov9oYvwoQYFWFTBlhwZVXp8P5WR9ZdAjjqCmBhz1juGRUdp3ITZTVtd9WobNZU8vf4jWS9F0vFNE3tZDdK7X1kBkoLfLSOjz5vO4lDIoD1FIgFLBPgHm41Cfaa2esBltbgZ_q0/s1600/November+14+07+Whosis+&+Whatsis+Fernicola+003.jpg.161320508.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_zwt3Fov9oYvwoQYFWFTBlhwZVXp8P5WR9ZdAjjqCmBhz1juGRUdp3ITZTVtd9WobNZU8vf4jWS9F0vFNE3tZDdK7X1kBkoLfLSOjz5vO4lDIoD1FIgFLBPgHm41Cfaa2esBltbgZ_q0/s1600/November+14+07+Whosis+&+Whatsis+Fernicola+003.jpg.161320508.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Poop Perps</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">What would possess a dog (or dogs) to defecate and urinate on the floor when the door to the outside is OPEN? It’s like having a colostomy bag right there! Where is the common sense? It’s Owner Disrespect, I tell you.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Cat box: Pooping on the FLOOR right <st1:stockticker>NEXT</st1:stockticker> to the cat box is <st1:stockticker>PURE</st1:stockticker> SPITE. I really need to stop doing that, but I’m trying to make a point.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHHObMzhNcYDN4pidyWUCXZ2a6d-C5fgOUcLFgU5uPrJPgRzCUqvKuJcxuNuIJBu5p4S1j39pFfWmrHALbXvu3JOnk3UOm_X9Y_PyENyZr6JoyJnh1wwffwNBHsqWCMzuwOjzpsRASBxA/s1600/other+random+november+pix+2005+002.jpg.605456072.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHHObMzhNcYDN4pidyWUCXZ2a6d-C5fgOUcLFgU5uPrJPgRzCUqvKuJcxuNuIJBu5p4S1j39pFfWmrHALbXvu3JOnk3UOm_X9Y_PyENyZr6JoyJnh1wwffwNBHsqWCMzuwOjzpsRASBxA/s1600/other+random+november+pix+2005+002.jpg.605456072.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">The Fraidy Cat in younger days</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">I live with fraidy cats and pussy dogs: in the middle of the night, when all is quiet, dark, and spooky I’m jolted awake by 7 tense, trembling bodies whose heads are all turned in the same direction looking wide-eyed at the door. Not one stirs but I notice their fur is stuck out in all directions. Gee, I feel comforted, especially when two of these seven are DOGS. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuv9R7oXp7uPIHgJTTPyBEUYyh1OmzX6Kej3PqbA57Cm2YGjKIjC6IhUAblayzXkWxa-AaOQT0qpkfbVWM8PlXtmo4fUoGMTSaUHMX8gWN8b7lVXQY3tlvwAUMoRHw9n5yFcEruS-lsBM/s1600/cat+vomit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuv9R7oXp7uPIHgJTTPyBEUYyh1OmzX6Kej3PqbA57Cm2YGjKIjC6IhUAblayzXkWxa-AaOQT0qpkfbVWM8PlXtmo4fUoGMTSaUHMX8gWN8b7lVXQY3tlvwAUMoRHw9n5yFcEruS-lsBM/s200/cat+vomit.jpg" width="137" /></a>I wait. They wait. I wait. They win. “What, I’M supposed to be the one to go see what’s out in the other room IN THE DARK waiting to peel the skin off my bones?” Sigh. I get my pliers from the drawer next to the bed. I keep them there just in case an intruder will stand still long enough for me to pinch off his nose. I creep out slowly, each step as silent as the next, carefully avoiding the pee puddles, poop piles and vomitous masses. Stealthily, I approach the living room, my heart pounding out more loudly than Big Ben. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSh5_o9DFkv-eP2LpqNIMVAMMu4HmH3bfgaaeznssF5Sk3spNpUQA_vaTrCdWDfEGjATc-9l_JMQC5uwn8_kZaYmcjCBQW1gXeb5s4Cd6d1Z0O1o2tRrszbIFfQNTqV-aAvxdbvTCHMp0/s1600/SB_7828306.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSh5_o9DFkv-eP2LpqNIMVAMMu4HmH3bfgaaeznssF5Sk3spNpUQA_vaTrCdWDfEGjATc-9l_JMQC5uwn8_kZaYmcjCBQW1gXeb5s4Cd6d1Z0O1o2tRrszbIFfQNTqV-aAvxdbvTCHMp0/s200/SB_7828306.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Buddy</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">One of the birds had a nightmare and fell off his perch plummeting to the bottom of the cage. So much for the intruder who luckily avoided the Dreaded Nose Pinching by Pliers. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">By the way, since that episode and moving to a new neighborhood, I have given up my weapon of choice, The Lethal Pliers, in favor of a Craftsman 3/4 inch Drive Quick Release Ratchet. I think it might do more damage.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgznULLy2ij6wpgP0S-ZDrCfmDa7wF0ZWV9WG-CprQq2xQdZKQjEa4DOq4OxxUwVBaXvv89vZl6F-_KB2u89kmMEAdixfdFsVmuP30kMXfuWBw7vymk3R8iqmFeF8ZJww6E8T4af45M7m8/s1600/army+o+ants.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="92" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgznULLy2ij6wpgP0S-ZDrCfmDa7wF0ZWV9WG-CprQq2xQdZKQjEa4DOq4OxxUwVBaXvv89vZl6F-_KB2u89kmMEAdixfdFsVmuP30kMXfuWBw7vymk3R8iqmFeF8ZJww6E8T4af45M7m8/s200/army+o+ants.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">Finally, while I’m on the subject of interlopers, who told ants they could come into my house and steal my food? I don’t go traipsing around in their anthills or ant farms gobbling up their grub! My cat dish and kitchen counters look like Doodle Bugs! Ants are nothing more than unscrupulous thieves. If I get another pet, it will be an anteater. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">With my luck, he won't like ants!</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZl6mJLA15Ao3pqF8EsL2R8jQytzU-uragceOR9wfKds7RWlYD3yRdxDt5FXWmx7ROqAqaW3z832iXWf0xme5xRZfGfqiqUWkb5Hn_cLltANLsWtfmtdq5uBTxoJ_M07esgV0-03fydZU/s1600/veggie+aardvark.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZl6mJLA15Ao3pqF8EsL2R8jQytzU-uragceOR9wfKds7RWlYD3yRdxDt5FXWmx7ROqAqaW3z832iXWf0xme5xRZfGfqiqUWkb5Hn_cLltANLsWtfmtdq5uBTxoJ_M07esgV0-03fydZU/s200/veggie+aardvark.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Hello! ANThony's Pizza? Yes, I'd like a large veggie, please!</b></td></tr>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">Tune in next week if you want to know what</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I've been thinking...</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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If you think of it next time you're out, pick up a copy of James Herriot's, <u>All Creatures Great and Small. </u>Pherneighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03428447425480352941noreply@blogger.com0